Do you like holding a grudge? Is having a list of enemies part of the spice of life? Or, are grudges something we should avoid completely?

Irish Independent journalist Saoirse Hanley told Newstalk Breakfast that she is a “very stubborn person” who will “blacklist” people over perceived slights against her friends and loved ones.

“A friend of mine – one of my best friends – recently said her friend had not shown up for her in some way,” she said.

“That immediately put this friend, who I barely know, onto my blacklist.”

Speaking to Lunchtime Live, clinical psychologist Tara Logan Buckley said holding onto grudges in this way is, “almost like a backpack, and it’s filled with rocks”.

“It’s literally holding you down the whole time,” she said.

“I suppose, the first thing is, where do grudges come from and why do we have them?

“That’s a really important thing because a grudge is essentially our brain’s way of trying to protect us from actually being hurt again.

“It’s the mind’s way of saying, ‘Remember this pain, we don’t want it to happen twice’.”

Unhappy couple not talking after an argument in bed at home. Image: Prasit Rodphan / Alamy. 3 February 2018

Ms Buckley said this reaction, and holding onto the experience in this way, triggers anger hormones like stress and cortisol.

“The first thing is, is the grudge costing you more than what it is protecting you?” she said.

“It is more draining, is it harming your health, is it getting in the way of relationships, is the person in your life anymore?

“Because sometimes we still hold onto grudges with people that aren’t even still there.”

Gender divide

Content Editor with Evoke, Sinead Dalton, said she sees a gender divide in the issue.

“I hate to say it because I am one, but I find women are just a little more sneaky maybe, when it comes to it,” she said.

“It’s more emotional, particularly if it’s somebody close to you and they’ve done something to hurt you.

"You kind of step back and say, ‘Well hold on, you’re supposed to be my friend, I’ve known you for this long and you went and did that’.

“It questions your friendship.”

Ms Dalton said she personally employs the ‘forgive, but don’t forget’ strategy when it comes to those who have wronged her.

Main image: Annoyed man trying to explain something to his wife. Image: Margarita Kulakova. 21 December 2018