“She was isolated and unhappy in first year, and it took her a long while to find a group of friends who accepted her”

This week on Parenting, a mother is worried that her daughter’s new friends may be a bad influence on her and is looking for advice on how to communicate this. 

“They don't seem to have high expectations of themselves, and I fear this is rubbing off on my daughter”, she told Moncrieff. 

“My daughter used to be academic and like her study, and now she's showing less interest and even questioning the point of it.

“She used to be very sporty and has sort of drifted out of that, mostly because these girls think sport is stupid.

“The new friends just want to hang out in the green at the shopping centre and be on their phones after school.”

The mother described that her daughter’s attitude has started shifting and that her disparaging comments to her family have increased.

“If my husband or I try to talk to her about this, it usually flares up into an argument.

“She says we're snobs and haven't got a clue, especially if we say anything even remotely critical of our friends. She has also become much more argumentative recently. 

“I am aware some of this is hormonal, but a lot of the change has come about since she started being pals with this group of girls.”

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that treading cautiously is very important as exposing causation between new behaviour and her new friendships.

Teenagers at a party. Photo by Andre Hunter via Unsplash.

Ms Fortune argued that most of what the letter exposed was typical teenage behaviour. 

“When it comes to teenagers and their friends it’s better to observe and monitor long before you jump in saying they’re a bad influence.

“If you demonise or forbid or ban a friendship, it can actually make that friendship more appealing.

“But I would think the better approach with her is to focus in a more of a reflective, curious way, how her friends make her feel.

“It's better that you're supporting her in that reflective process than you are telling her,you have a bad attitude and it's because your friends are bad and we've decided that for you.”

In Parenting, keeping Communication Open 

Joanna said that in adolescence, it's very easy for those doors of communication to slam shut. The task is to keep them open, even slightly ajar so teenagers know they can still come to their parents for things. 

“Hold in mind that there's something about this group's social position that resonates with your daughter”, she said. 

Main Image: Happy teenagers posing on city street.