This week on Parenting, a mother of five asked for advice dealing with her second eldest’s jealousy and competitiveness against her siblings.

“I’m looking for some advice regarding my seven-year-old daughter,” she told Moncrieff.

“She’s the second oldest in the family of five girls, all very close in age from eight to three.

“I treat all my girls the same, and I have no favourites.

“However, my second has this selfish, self-entitled trait that I’m fully allergic to.”

The mother described a recent example where her daughter had a tantrum after a clothes shop because she didn’t get to wear all of the new outfits first, ahead of her other sisters.

“We might get takeaway and she will analyse if someone got more chips or a bigger slice of pizza.

“She’ll then say something like, ‘You gave her more because you love her more’.”

The letter writer’s husband is eager to discipline their daughter by grounding her, but the girl’s mother isn’t so sure this is the right course of action.

“My husband says she’ll grow out of it, but I’m afraid she will end up being a tearaway and be left out.”

Two small angry girls. Image: Jozef Polc.

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that in families this big, it often “makes total parental sense” to treat the children as “a pack”.

However, she warned this treatment may be the core of this little girl’s issues.

“I think you’ve got quite a competitiveness,” she said.

“The language here about her being selfish and self-entitled, I mean, I’m not sure about that.

“There might be traits of these things, but I actually think there’s a little bit more going on.

“I think she’s struggling.”

'Equity over equality'

Joanna said that while parents may strive to treat all of their children equally, it is rarely the case in reality.

“We just have to be honest about that; it’s equity over equality,” she said.

“In this family, you’ve four of your five girls who are actually doing fine – great job – and you’ve got this one who needs a little bit more.”

According to Joanna, it could help to try and set aside twenty minutes to half an hour for one-on-one time with this seven-year-old a few times a week.

She also advised against disciplining her behaviour.

“Children aren’t showing us difficult behaviour because they’re trying to be difficult,” she said.

“They’re trying to let us know they’re having a difficulty.”

Main image: Girls shouts angry at another girl and is pushing her. Image: Markus Wegmann / Alamy