On this week’s Parenting segment, one letter writer asked how to manage their two-year-old son, who has recently started hitting other children at creche.

“We have a two-year-old boy and a six-month-old girl,” they told Moncrieff.

“Our little boy attends creche five days a week until 3pm - he seems very happy there; drop-offs are usually very easy-going, and he doesn't get upset.

“We have been told he has started hitting and kicking out at kids there.”

The letter writer said that while their son is usually a calm and relaxed character, his bedtime routine has gone “off the rails” after a recent illness.

Toddler boy sleeping on bed. Image: WHPics / Alamy. 30 May 2019

"He does hit out at the dog sometimes and can be a bit forceful with the baby,” the parent said.

“We are showing him gentle hands and then getting him to do it too; in the moment it seems to work.

“He's very taken with his sister and he's very kind to her, and includes her and the dog when we talk about family.

“But we are worried about his hitting out in creche now - what should we do?”

'I'm not feeling myself'

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this behaviour is all quite typical of a two-year-old.

“He's doing mostly well most of the time, and then this is context specific hiccups - there's been a new baby; [that’s a] massive life change for a two-year-old,” she said.

“Then he hasn't been feeling well - anything like that is very dysregulating, especially at that age.

“There's been disruption to sleep routine, and he's then going into crash and hitting and kicking - that is very context specific.

“Two-year-olds, typically speaking, lack the verbal fluency to say, ‘I'm overwhelmed by all the change in life at the moment, I'm not feeling myself and that's triggering a whole lot of behaviours for me’.

“Instead they use behaviour to express what they can't verbally articulate.”

Little moody boy. Image: Angela Hampton Picture Library / Alamy. 3 April 2016

Joanna recommended re-establishing this boy’s bedtime routine as soon as possible, and saying ‘no’ to him when he behaves badly to establish a firmer boundary, as well as continuing to teach him ‘gentle hands’.

“I'm sure the creche are doing this, but you could ask them could they track it as a pattern,” Joanna said.

“Is it coming into nap time or has he dropped a nap? Is it ahead of meal times; could he be getting hungry? Is it with a particular child?

“Could they be watched and see what's going on with them - just to see if there are any patterns to the behavior.”

The letter writer had also asked if they should keep their son at home for a day or two during the week while they still have maternity leave.

Joanna said there is no right or wrong answer, but the boy’s parents should consider if changing up his routine even further would do more harm than good.

Main image: Two kids fighting. Image: Leila Cutler / Alamy. 28 August 2009