Jacqueline Connolly has said she “blames myself” for the decision to bury her sister and three nephews alongside the man who killed them. 

In 2016, Alan Hawe murdered his wife, Clodagh Hawe, and their three boys, Liam, Niall and Ryan. 

Afterwards, he took his own life and a decision was made to bury the five of them together. 

Clodagh’s sister, Jacqueline Connolly, has since published a book, Deadly Silence, about the events leading up to that tragic day and how the family have coped since then. 

On The Pat Kenny Show, Ms Connolly recalled she and her sister were “very close” as children. 

 

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“She looked after myself and Tadhg, my younger brother,” she said. 

“She always had that mothering nature about her.” 

When Alan Hawe came along, he appeared to be a perfect match for Clodagh, who was “in awe of him” from the very beginning. 

Although Clodagh stopped socialising when she met him, Hawe was never outwardly abusive towards her but he was unpleasant to her family. 

“The worse I was treated, the less I wanted to be there around him,” Ms Connolly said. 

Because Clodagh was married in her 20s and had children soon afterwards, the sisters lived “very different” lives. 

Despite this, they remained in regular contact. 

When one sent a message, a reply soon flashed up on the other’s phone. 

It was only after Clodagh’s death that Ms Connolly realised that her sister was forwarding all her messages to Hawe. 

“I felt the trust was broken as sisters but now, understanding what coercive control is, that arrangement was made because of some insecurity," she said.

"Maybe he had relayed to her and he wanted the text messages forwarded on. 

“I was seen as a threat; he couldn’t control me, so he had to control what I sent.” 

Jacqueline Connolly and Pat Kenny.

In 2010, the sisters’ younger brother, Tadhg took his own life. 

Three-years after that, Ms Connolly’s husband also died by suicide, while she was pregnant with their firstborn. 

On both occasions, she had no inkling about what was to happen. 

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“It was an easy love, it was an easy relationship, he was just a gentleman,” she said. 

It was an incredibly difficult time, but she had the support of her family throughout. 

Three years later, the Connolly family suffered yet another tragedy when Hawe killed Clodagh and their three children. 

“I was at work and I was oblivious to anything that was going on at home,” Ms Connolly said. 

“I was working in Clontarf at the time - so, a good journey from Cavan. 

“The Gardaí in Clontarf should have been contacted to come and tell me the news and get me home as quickly as possible. 

“Because of that delay, the news reports were coming in on my phone before I could get home to my Mam and the rest of my family.” 

Funeral

As preparations for the funeral were made, it was decided that Clodagh, Liam, Niall and Ryan would be buried together with Hawe - a decision the family soon came to regret. 

“I said in the book, I blame myself,” Ms Connolly said. 

“I was in the viewing room with Clodagh, Liam, Niall and Ryan and their murderer. 

“I [was in] shock, trauma; I didn’t think, ‘What the hell are we doing here? Get him out of here.’

“Because this man had groomed us to the point where we still, in our heads, couldn’t believe [what he had done]. 

“We didn’t have all the information, we couldn’t marry to align the two; this man was a murderer. 

“The man we thought we knew for the best part of 20 years. 

“So, we made that decision to bury them together because we always saw them as one unit.

“The brain is such a delicate thing, we didn’t think of not burying them.” 

The Hawe family funeral. Picture by: RollingNews.ie

In the end, the family sought an exhumation but they had to wait until Hawe’s family agreed to it as well, leading to a delay of several months. 

Anyone affected by issues raised in this article can contact the Women's Aid 24h National Freephone Helpline on 1800-341-900

If you or someone you know has been impacted by suicide, you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.ie or visit www.samaritans.ie to find your nearest branch.

Main image: Jacqueline Connolly and the funeral of Hawe, Clodagh, Liam, Niall and Ryan. Pictures by: Newstalk and RollingNews.ie.