Should parents talk less about their kids for the sake of their childless friends? 

With birthrates across the developed world in decline, fewer and fewer people are experiencing the joys (and troubles) of bringing up children. 

For some, this is no problem at all. While for others, realising they will never be someone’s Mammy or Daddy is heartbreaking. 

On Newstalk Breakfast, freelance journalist Niamh O’Reilly said many people “don’t realise” how their friendships will change once someone becomes a parent. 

“For me, having my first child, it was like landing on an alien planet,” she explained. 

“I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t feel like myself and I certainly can look back now and say that I think I let a lot of my friendships fall by the wayside because of that huge change in my life that I was not prepared for.” 

A father with baby son on shoulders. Picture by: Connect Images / Alamy.

Ms O’Reilly added that by the time she had become a mother, many of her friends were parents and she should have known what to expect. 

“I wasn’t unsympathetic to them having a baby - but I just didn’t get it,” she said. 

“Only when I had my first child a few years later, I was sort of sat there going, ‘Ahhhhh, okay, I get it’.  

“When you are the one in a friendship group that perhaps doesn’t have children either by choice or sometimes perhaps there are women in your friendship group who would like to have children but unfortunately can’t have children, it can change the dynamic in the group.” 

A boy playing with blocks with his mother looking. Picture by: Jacob Lund / Alamy.

Ms O’Reilly continued that for childless people, it soon becomes “very easy to feel left out” if you don’t have kids. 

“The group and the chat and the meetups, they just navigate towards kid talk,” she said. 

“It’s nappies, weaning and how many naps your kid has. 

“If you’re not into that, it can be boring as hell, I totally get that.” 

For anyone who has a child, Ms O’Reilly suggested they make a conscious effort to avoid talking about their children and instead just “talk about something else.” 

“If you have a friend in your group like that, I think you have to try and make the chat less babyish,” she said. 

“I know that’s difficult to do in the early years because that is your life… It’s hard to get away from it when you’re a parent but I think we need to try harder when you’ve people in the group who don’t have kids.” 

Ms O’Reilly added that it is “very important” to maintain friendships because your kids will not be the focus of your lives forever. 

Main image: A young child with his parents. Picture by: Alamy.com.