This week on Parenting, one mother asked if she should tell her 11-year-old daughter about a recently diagnosed medical condition.

“I’ve recently been diagnosed with a medical condition which means that I could have a stroke at any time,” she told Moncrieff. 

“I’ve had two so-called ‘mini’ strokes in the past year and was in hospital for both but fully recovered. 

“I do not fit the profile for this type of diagnosis and have a healthy lifestyle; doctors are still investigating and I do not have a treatment plan yet. 

“I have a beautiful, intelligent, kind 11-year-old at home and I don’t know how to tell her or even if I should tell her. 

“My husband works long hours and farms as well, so my daughter and I spend a lot of time together and I’m very afraid that I will have a stroke when she’s with me.” 

The letter writer said she had explained the basics to her daughter back before she received her diagnosis, but that the girl didn’t want to go into the details at the time. 

“Since this worrying diagnosis, I’m struggling to deal with it myself, let alone try to talk to her about it. 

“Please help.”  

A woman patient receives bad news from a doctor. Image: Tero Vesalainen / Alamy Stock Photo

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said the letter writer should take the time to get her own head straight before trying to explain things to her daughter. 

“The starting point here is you deserve space to talk and think and feel and cry and wonder and fear and all of that out loud in a space where you’re not worried about anyone but yourself,” she said. 

“That would be typically in a professional setting; a psychologist, a psychotherapist – maybe the hospital has somebody on staff they could refer you to. 

“If not, they could certainly support you in finding somebody local who’s suitably qualified and accredited to do that job with you.” 

'Say nothing for the moment'

Joanna stressed that the best way for this woman to support her family would be to support herself. 

“Say nothing to the daughter for the moment,” she said. 

“I just think at the moment, if you were to say, ‘Oh, I could have a stroke at anytime’, and if she says, ‘But why? What’s the plan?’ You don’t have that answer yet. 

“I could be wrong, but there’s a feeling from this that this is very recent news and I just think, give yourself even a couple of weeks just to digest it. 

“Then, absolutely, you want to put a clear plan in place should you take ill.” 

Once there is a more comprehensive plan in place, Joanna said it will be a lot easier for this mother to give her daughter a set of instructions to work off should she have another stroke. 

When that time comes, Joanna suggested writing up a plan with any necessary phone numbers and pinning it to the fridge so it is easily accessible for her 11-year-old.

Main image: Mother caressing her worried child outdoor in nature. Image: Martin Novak / Alamy. 16 July 2014