“I told her biting was bad but I’m worried this is now the start of something and would like to try and deal with it before it escalates into something more”
This week on Parenting, one mother asked for help convincing her 21-month old daughter that biting was unacceptable.
“We have an older daughter, 21 months, who loves her new brother and shows him so much affection, hugs, kisses”, she told Moncrieff.
“There is just one thing that she started yesterday and that was biting.
“She was being a bit rough with the baby and I asked her to be gentle and she tried to bite me.
“I told her calmly that biting was bold and we just moved on, but I'm worried this is now the start of something and would like to try and deal with it before it escalates into something more, i.e. biting me, her baby brother or other children.
“I would appreciate it if you gave me some advice on how to handle this situation.”
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this parent would likely see this tendency decrease as her child’s ability to communicate and use language improves.
“What she doesn't have and doesn't know how to use is how to process frustration”, she said.
“She might be delighted with this little baby, but there's also the part of her that can't express this little usurper has come in now and upscuttled my world order.
“So instead, she bites because that's a very effective way of communicating frustration, anger. It is a developmental thing at her age and it is very common.”
Other Factors to counter the bite
Ms Fortune said the best thing parents can do is firmly say “no” and to make sure their face and voice match what it is they’re trying to convey.
Following this by swiftly moving on to a redirection or a distraction is the right idea.
“To sit down and wax lyrical and talk to her about her behavior is an absolute waste of time at her age”, she said.
“It's ineffective, but it's only going to frustrate you.
“Keep that firm no. And come down to her eye level. Hold hands.
“Just rub little circles. Gentle yet firm. Sway her hands side to side. Just bringing in some of that co-regulation through touch and through rhythm and synchrony.
“Say: ‘No, we don't bite. Now let's go over here and do something else’
“And you're just going to have to repeat and repeat and repeat that and keep an eye on her.”
According to Mrs Fortune, while biting could be a response to the arrival of a new sibling, it could also be totally coincidental.
Loving mom talking to upset little child girl giving support. Picture by: Aleksandr Davydov. “Often we see it with children this age because of language and verbal expression and just being able to manage their emotions”, she said.
“When they're cutting a tooth, somebody else's fleshy arm can feel very nice on sore gums. So sometimes it's a sensory seeking motivation behind it.
“It's more important that you stick with the no and the redirection. Do get curious. Could there be a little painful back tooth or anything like that at that age?”
She said it would be wise to watch her 21-month old around a newborn regardless due to how impulsive they are.
