This week on Parenting, one mother asked how to go about enforcing bedtimes on an upcoming family holiday when the children range from toddlers to teens.

“We’re going away with my brother and his family soon and we’ll be renting a house together in Kerry,” she told Moncrieff.

“My question is that we have six kids between two families ranging in age from four to 15, and enforcing bedtime is very difficult.

“My children are younger and if they try and stay up with their older cousins, they end up completely exhausted and cranky.

“But if we try to put them to bed at a reasonable time, then there are tantrums and meltdowns.

“Would you have any advice for us?”

Boy, 4-5 year old, wearing blue pyjamas, laying on bed and throwing himself about with the duvet during a temper tantrum. Image: Malcolm Fairman. 18 June 2006

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that tantrums are unavoidable in this situation.

“This is something that’s just never going to be easy, especially because it’s holidays,” she said.

“Of course, they want to stay up with the older kids who are probably playing with games or doing something or watching TV.

“They don’t want to be perceived as little kids, particularly at eight and 10 years old.

“Even though you are a parent are saying, ‘You’re going to be cranky tomorrow, and we’ll all be paying for it’, that’s not where their head is at.”

Lay down the law

Joanna recommended laying out the rule of law in advance of the holiday so the kids know what to expect.

“I’m going to suggest that before you go on the holiday, that you sit them down gently yet firmly – tone of voice is everything – and you’re going to state bedtime for them will be earlier than it is for their teenage cousins,” she said.

“Ten words or less; just say it, don’t overstate it.

“Be very clear about it, and that if there are any tantrums about it while you’re away, it will only prove to you how tired they are and how they do need to go to bed early.

“You’re not going on about, ‘You better not tantrum’, because that’s also ridiculous.

“Children will tantrum, but you’re highlighting that a tantrum is evidence of tiredness so it will work against them.”

Tired parents, frustrated and active child being naughty and playful. Image: Yuri Arcurs / Alamy. 3 February 2022

However, Joanna said to be careful not to introduce an air of “doom and gloom and finger-wagging" into the holiday before it even starts.

“I would be flexible and say, ‘Now, you are a year older than last year, so the bedtime for holidays is not a school bedtime, it’s going to be later’,” she said.

“Then pick whatever, 20, 30 minutes later than it was last year.

“But emphasise the fun that you’re planning on this trip, all of the shared activities where they’ll be with their cousins and hanging out and doing stuff together.

“Really highlight that that’s the purpose of it.”

Main image: Cute little boy listening to his father reading bedtime story in hut at home. Image: Pixel-shot / Alamy. 25 November 2024