Nitika Hand has spoken about the mental health impact of being assaulted by Conor McGregor and her decision to take him to court. 

The 35-year-old mother of two made news headlines around the world when she accused the MMA fighter of raping her in 2018. 

After the Director of Public Prosecutions declined to bring criminal charges against him, Ms Hand decided to bring a civil case against him and another man, James Lawrence, with an address of Rafters Road, Drimnagh. 

Both denied wrongdoing, but a High Court jury found McGregor liable for assault and awarded Ms Hand just under €250,000 in damages. Mr Lawrence was cleared of wrongdoing. 

Although McGregor continues to maintain his innocence, all attempts by his lawyers to overturn the verdict have failed. 

On The Claire Byrne Show, Ms Hand said writing about her experiences had been “really, really healing” and helped her come to terms with what happened to her. 

“I just completely started a new life for myself and I'm not saying my life is perfect,” she said. 

“I do still have panic attacks, I still live with PTSD but having my two girls and an amazing partner keeps me going and keeps me happy.” 

Nikita Hand and Claire Byren. Picture by: Newstalk.

Before she was assaulted by McGregor, Ms Hand knew him well enough to say hello but had never had a conversation with. 

That changed one night in December 2018, when she was brutally attacked by him in a Dublin hotel room. 

In the immediate aftermath, Ms Hand initially resisted reporting what happened to her, but was persuaded otherwise by her mother. 

“She just told me that I couldn't just go to hospital, come back home and forget about what we needed to do,” she said. 

“She rang the ambulance and the Guards came too as well.

“I'm very thankful to my Mam today, that she made that decision for me because I wouldn't have been able to.”

Legal proceedings

Despite lodging a formal complaint against McGregor and enduring many hours of formal interviews about what took place, the Director of Public Prosecutions decided against charging him. 

The threshold for conviction in a criminal trial is high and a jury must be convinced that the defendant is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. While in a civil trial, a jury is asked to make a decision based on the balance of probability. 

For Ms Hand, learning that no criminal charges were to be taken against McGregor was an “absolutely devastating” moment. 

“I wrote them a letter and I thought they were going to come back and say ‘yes’ because I was telling the truth,” she said. 

“I thought once I gave them a letter and explained how I was feeling and how destroying it was on my family, I really thought they would have came back and said ‘yes’, but they didn't.” 

All of this had a terrible impact on her mental health and she began to suffer from regular panic attacks. 

“It's horrendous,” she said. 

“You feel like the room is caving in on top of you.

“I feel like I can't breathe and I can't catch my breath and they could last for like several hours as well.”

Nikita Hand leaving the High Court in the second week of a civil action against Mr McGregor. Picture by: Leah Farrell/RollingNews.ie.

With support from the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, Ms Hand has undergone therapy and has learnt a number of “little tips and tricks” to help with her mental health. 

“Get ice from the freezer and hold them in your hand so it triggers your brain away from the panic and it goes to the cold,” she said. 

While it has been nearly eight years since she was assaulted, Ms Hand still suffers from panic attacks and fears she will for some time yet. 

“I really feel like I'll probably have them for the rest of my life,” she said. 

“I am a lot better at myself, but I'm not perfect that way.

“Like I said in my book, just because I won the trial, it doesn't take away the scars and the PTSD and what I've gone through.”

Nikita Hand,  her partner Gary Foy, as they arrive at the Court of Appeal in Dublin. Picture by: Leah Farrell/RollingNews.ie.

Before the trial, the Hand family home was broken into and Ms Hand’s mental health deteriorated once again. 

It made her question whether she had the strength to go through the civil court case against McGregor. 

Looking back, she remembers walking through the courtroom door as the “one of the most hardest things that I've ever had to go through in my life”. 

“I wouldn't wish it on anybody but I got through it and I'm proud of myself for that,” she said. 

“I was in an awful state when I walked through the doors and I'd seen himself [McGregor] and James Lawrence as well. 

“It was really hard; I bolted for a flight of stairs and ran up into a cubicle. It was horrible.” 

Nikita Hand reads a statement to press outside the High Court, after Conor McGregor was been found liable in a High Court civil case for assault. Picture by: Eamonn Farrell / © RollingNews.ie

Ms Hand had a panic attack inside the toilet and questioned whether she had the strength to go back down again. 

Once she returned, she was shocked to learn how small the courtroom was and that she would have to sit so close to the accused. 

The experience of being crossexamined was “awful” and she felt intensely aware that the eyes of an entire courtroom were on her. 

“It was really degrading,” she said. 

“You're sitting in this chair trying to make these strangers believe you.

“Even though you know in your heart you're telling the truth. 

“You don't know what their decision is going to be and you're just praying to God that they make the right one.” 

Supporters of Nikita Hand outside the Four Courts. Picture by: Leah Farrell/RollingNews.ie.

The cross examination of McGregor was also “horrendous” and at one point she left the courtroom to take a few deep breaths and a quiet cry by herself.  

“I just couldn't listen to any more of his lies, to be honest with you,” she said. 

'I want to show Freya, and every other girl and boy that you can stand up for yourself if something happens to you, no matter who the person is - and justice will be served'

Nikita Hand speaking after winning her case against Conor McGregor pic.twitter.com/ZgLP5EjGPe

— NewstalkFM (@NewstalkFM) November 22, 2024

Two years on, Ms Hand feels she is a "completely different person” to who the woman she was before the assault - something she is trying to come to terms with. 

“I have to learn how to love her now - the new person that I am - and I am learning to love her,” she said. 

“But it is really, really difficult and it is hard at times. 

“What happened to me took a lot out of me; I'm not the same girl anymore, I'm a different girl. 

“It completely changed my life.”

Anyone in need of emotional support can contact the Samaritans for free anytime on 116 123. 

A person in need of advice or support after a sexual assault, can contact the National Rape Crisis Helpline on 1800 778888.

Main image: Nikita Hand. Picture by: Newstalk.