On this week’s ‘So You Think You’re an Adult?’, one listener shares their fear of their best friends starting a relationship. 

“We have a group of three mates, and over the last few months both have at different times have expressed feelings for each other to me,” they told Moncrieff. 

“He wants to tell her how he feels, and although I know she feels the same, I think this will end in disaster. 

“I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of their arguments or feel like I’m being selective when I chose to hang out with one of them over the other.” 

'It's life'

Broadcaster Declan Buckley said the listener should realise they are not “the main player in this story”. 

“The fact that they're telling you and letting you know stuff about it - that is because you're their friend, they're not actually asking you for permission,” he said. 

A2102P Third wheel sitting, arms crossed, on opposite end of sofa of hugging couple. Image shot 2006. Exact date unknown.

Declan said the listener’s concerns about the relationship dynamics changing are valid. 

“It's not nice to suddenly feel like you're the third wheel,” he said. “You might feel like you’re the third person in the loyalties."

“[But] all you really have control over is how you behave,” Declan said. “It’s life.” 

'Put on your big boy pants'

Writer Barbara Scully said the listener simply needs to put on their “big boy pants” and accept the relationship if it happens. 

“Nothing ever stays the same for very long,” she said. “Things change and things happen.” 

The listener shouldn’t just expect the relationship between two friends to end in disaster – they should hope it ends well, according to Barbara. 

RW09R0 cropped view of fingers as happy couple and third wheel isolated on blue

“If you've got somebody who you are close friends with, then they they're in a serious relationship, things change,” she said. 

“You go back to where you were, but that initial kind of honeymoon is ‘we’re all madly in love, I want to see them more than anyone else’.” 

Declan agreed that things will “irrevocably” change if the listener’s friends start a relationship – but change in friendships are inevitable. 

“No matter what happens, whether nothing happens between two, there will be other people,” he said. “It’s all just change.”