On this week’s Adult segment, one letter writer asked whether she was right not to want her father’s new partner to come to her mother’s first anniversary mass.

“My mum died this time last year, but my dad has already met someone new, and I’m so upset,” they told Moncrieff.

“It is a lady who they both knew from the bridge club, and I feel that it’s way too soon for this to be happening.

“I feel really betrayed by my dad because I don’t understand how you can just move on so quickly.

“We are organising a mass and a way to mark her first anniversary, which is coming up – and now he wants to invite this new woman.

“How do I handle this? He doesn’t get why I’m angry at him and says life is short and we need to be enjoying every moment.”

Funeral. Image: Kzenon / Alamy. 17 October 2011

TV personality Declan Buckley said that while he could understand both perspectives, it is reasonable for this letter writer not to want their dad’s new partner at the anniversary mass.

“I can see the rationale going, ‘My mother isn’t that long gone, it feels really hurtful for you to be replacing her really quickly’,” he said.

“But on the other side of the thing, I do also see the perspective of ‘life is short’.

“Just because you’re finding a way to meet some of your needs, it doesn’t mean that your pain and your grief and your loss is gone away.

“But I do believe that when it comes to something like a memorial for somebody, I think everybody in the family’s feelings have to be considered, not just the husband or the widower.

“I think that she’s within her rights to say, ‘I’d rather you didn’t do that’, and I think that seems to be okay for me, particularly because it’s so soon.”

Grieving differently

Actress Mary McEvoy said if the dad’s new partner still wanted to attend the service, she could do so with the bridge team.

“I’d say maybe she doesn’t particularly want to go,” she said.

“I think let the new relationship be whatever it is, but I think for this particular thing, I think he should not bring her and that he should be asked to consider his children and not bring her to that.

“They can meet up in the pub or something afterwards for a drink.”

Ultimately, both Mary and Declan agreed that people experience loss differently, and you can’t punish someone for seemingly moving on faster.

Main image: Portrait of lonely and depressed woman in grief. Image: Mladen Mitrinovic / Alamy. 10 May 2019