I have a quick question for David Carey. I have told my three year-old son that if a kid pushes him that he has my full permission to push back and likewise with being hit. My wife disagrees with this and says he should just walk away. What would be your advice?

This is an interesting question that raises some interesting issues. In response I want to pose another question: "Do you want to raise a child who believes that physical force and violence are the best ways to resolve conflict?" If the answer is "Yes." then you need to teach your child to hit, push and shove. If the answer is "No" then you need to teach your child how to develop tolerance and self-control and use available supports and resources to solve conflict.

In our schools and communities we prohibit violence. The law prohibits violence with certain exceptions that do not extend to someone being pushed. It is important for children to learn that violence and aggression are not the best way to get what you want.

I will be direct here, your wife is correct. What you are doing is not necessary nor is it correct. You are teaching your child there is no way to solve difficulties without violence. The long term result of this is likely to be a person who turns threat or intimidation to get what they want in life.

It is better to help your child understand that the school has policies that protect children and these policies must be followed. These policies are the responsibility of teachers and parents to implement.

I do not think children should be taught to use aggression as a first response to bullying.

David Carey, consulting psychologist joins Sean live on air every Wednesday from 3pm answering your parenting questions. If you have a question email afternoon@newstalk.ie, and listen in live: http://www.newstalk.com/player/