My mother is very poorly and is likely to pass away shortly. I have always felt that a wake was great for introducing children to death. Now that I have a five year old I’m not quite so sure. What does David think?

There is nothing wrong with bringing a young child to a funeral. Around the world children are introduced to mourning rituals by being present in them. There is little likelihood you child will be scarred by being at the wake. The most influential factors in your child's reaction will be the emotional displays of the adults around him. When emotions are kept under control and not let run wild, children learn that crying and sadness are a normal part of being alive. The mild distress of seeing your parent grieving, sad and crying will not harm a child. If anything, it helps them understand that even grown-ups get sad sometimes and it isn't anything bad to cry.

I do not know what sort of relationship your son has with his gran. If they were extremely close it may be best to prepare him for what is to come by letting him know his gran is sick and isn't going to get well soon. You can explain this in language he can understand and you can, of course, frame it in some religious creed and belief system if you have one. He should be permitted to visit his gran if it is medically appropriate for her to have visitors.

At the wake, it can be a healthy thing for him and his cousins, if he has any, to draw pictures for gran and write cards and notes to her. These they can place in the casket if you wish that done. All these things help children learn how to mourn and grieve appropriately in our culture.  There is no reason to hide the reality of death from children nor is there any reason to discuss it endlessly with them. 

Of course, in this difficult time you will not be yourself and your emotional availability to your son won't be what it was before. Patience and understanding and open communication are the best preventions of undue stress and disharmony between you and him. You know your son far better than I do. If you have reason to believe he is an overly sensitive child who doesn't cope well or that he tends to overthink things and become trapped in his own thoughts, then you might want to keep him from the wake.

Use your best judgment and I am sure things will work out. I am sorry for your sadness.

Every week on Moncrieff, David Carey, a psychologist with over 25 years experience in both clinical and educational settings, answers your parenting questions. Tune in live today at 3pm, or listen back to the podcasts of the show.