Why do WhatsApp school groups become “very mean girly”? 

Recently, actress Ashley Tisdale French wrote an essay about why she decided to leave a chat group with other celebrity mothers she knew, after growing tired of the ‘mean girl’ attitude of the group. 

On Newstalk Breakfast, Irish Examiner columnist Esther McCarthy said it was a “very universal” experience.  

 “It doesn't matter who it is; there's always the cool mum, there's always the one who organises everything,” she explained. 

“There's always the kind of three super cool, I think anyway, like witches in the corner that kind of control everything and decide what happens and who goes where. 

“Like we're still really that little girl in primary school that doesn't want to be left out even when we're mothers."

A group of children from a nursery school. Picture by: Gary Hider / Alamy.com. 

Ms McCarthy added that while some groups are for all parents, other group chats are cliquey and just for a select few. 

“You'll have a big group for reminders to ‘bring in the costume tomorrow’ group for all of the class,” she said. 

“And then they'll be kind of little splinter groups that go off [like] ‘boys and moms’. 

“I tried to look at my own phone last night when I was thinking about talking with this and I actually had to stop counting.

“I couldn't see how many groups they have - and that's natural - and you're not going to be friends with everyone and gravitate towards certain people.”

A creche. Picture by: Alamy.com. 

It is these smaller group chats that can often create controversy and drama within the playground. 

“Four of us kind of got in together and took turns once,” Ms McCarthy recalled. 

“So, it meant once a month I only had to do the drop and because the car I had at the time only could take that amount of kids, there were just three others I asked to go in with me. 

“And a year after, one mother said she felt really left out and it would have been so helpful for her to have been in that group because she was stuck at work at the time. 

“And jeepers, you know, it was nothing mean, it was nothing deliberate.”

Nowadays, Ms McCarthy said she has learnt to be much more “aware” of the issue but still feels the smaller group chats are where the worst behaviour takes place - something she especially noticed during COVID. 

“I was added to loads of group chats while the person is talking on Zoom because they want to have a bitch, but they didn't want to put it into the main,” she recalled. 

“I feel if you're bitching, you're not doing it on the main group, you're doing it in the splinter.

“And then that can become very mean girly.”

Main image: A woman with a smartphone. Picture by: Alamy.com.