Accepting that ‘life is unfair’ is just part of the process of healing from a miscarriage.

That’s according to blogger Emily Duffy who has said her three miscarriages left her with feelings of “jealousy and envy” towards other mothers.

Recurrent miscarriages are believed to affect between 1% and 3% of couples in Ireland and are defined by the loss of three or more pregnancies in a row.

'Isolated'

On The Pat Kenny Show today, Ms Duffy said she felt “incredibly isolated” after suffering her miscarriages.

“When you have a wanted pregnancy, no matter what gestation, you are attached immediately,” she said.

“I think parenthood and motherhood come immediately to us.

“It’s this unambiguous loss of someone who hasn’t had a chance to exist yet – someone you really wanted to meet.”

Girl holding a pregnancy test. Image: Image Source/Alamy

The ‘Not Another Miscarriage’ blogger said the experience of miscarriage is different for everyone.

“There is always an incredible feeling of grief and loss of control,” she said.

“It’s great that most people get pregnant and can plan for when it suits them but I have no control over when or if I will have a baby - and there is a loss in that.

“In my writing, I try to give as much space for all of the emotions, jealousy, and envy that are there as I don’t think trying to push it down is a healthy thing to do.

“You have to give it space and once you do, you’re much more able to accept that life is quite unfair.”

Unknown

Ms Duffy said doctors are unsure why some women experience recurring pregnancy losses.

“When I spoke to my doctor, he told me a story about a woman who had 13 miscarriages and just delivered her first baby,” she said.

“In the bed next to her was a woman who had four pregnancies and delivered four healthy babies – he said he didn’t know what the difference was between the two women.”

Support

Ms Duffy said her first miscarriage was difficult.

“I went into the Coombe in the middle of the night and they said: ‘Look here’s some paracetamol, go home and it will pass naturally,’” she said.

“I was very lost and there is the miscarriage association of Ireland who are there to provide support and emotional support – but I needed more than emotional support.

“I needed science and evidence but there isn’t the curiosity there and I think there should be.”

More information on dealing with a miscarriage and supports available can be found here.

Main image: Blogger Emily Duffy. Image: Supplied.