It's important to share fertility issues with those around you for support, one man who recently lost a child due to miscarriage has said.
Yesterday, Lunchtime Live spoke to several women who suffered miscarriages and said there was a need to expand the rules for miscarriage bereavement leave in Ireland.
One texter told the show his wife recently had a miscarriage, and it’s important to remember the impact miscarriages have on men and the supports they also need.
Today, Dublin-born, London-based Rory told the show he and his wife suffered a miscarriage four weeks ago.
He said when his wife first became pregnant, he entered a “strange bubble”.
“I say strange because you don’t really tell anyone your wife is pregnant too early in case of risk of miscarriage,” he said.
“In that whole phase you feel you do need to tell people because you’re worried people will say the wrong thing.”
Early in the pregnancy, Rory and his wife learned there were issues, and discovered through a private scan that she had miscarried.
“The person [at the scan] was quite callous and very business-as-usual while sharing this devastating news,” Rory said.
“We felt thrown out on street.”
Rory’s wife was given bereavement leave for two weeks by her company, although she decided not to take the full leave.
“It was really helpful to have,” he said. “There's ups and downs - she’s back working but it’s super tough.”
'You massively need support'
Looking back, Rory wished he and his wife had shared their pregnancy sooner so they realised they had more support.
“It's a weird social convention that people don’t because you massively need support,” he said.
“When I told friends we had been pregnant but unfortunately are going through a miscarriage, it was only then that so many of my friends said they had been through it too.
“A friend of mine had been through it a couple of weeks before us.”
Rory said sharing their pregnancy sooner might have made it easier to tell people about their struggles.
“You feel a massive need to share it in case someone says the wrong thing,” he said.
“You'd be really surprised the amount of people that say something like, ‘Oh you’re not drinking, are you pregnant’.
“But someone could be trying to get pregnant, they could be struggling to conceive, they could have lost a pregnancy.
“It's an added anxiety from my wife’s perspective, I just kind of watched it from the sideline.”
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