This week on Parenting, one mother asked how to manage her daughter’s separation anxiety now that school is starting back up.

“I have a six-year-old girl who is going into senior infants,” she told Moncrieff.

“She’s a sweet, funny and kind little girl. However, she suffers from what I think is separation anxiety.

“She’s found the goodbyes at the preschool and school gate impossible over the last few years; it’s the same for swimming or gymnastics.

“I know from speaking with her teachers that once she’s in school, she gets on very well and she’s very happy in class, same for any extracurricular activities she attends.”

The letter writer explained that this behaviour has led to school mornings being stressful and time consuming, as her daughter tries to delay the process at every opportunity.

“I’m dreading going back to school as I’m not sure how to deal with her delay tactics and her anxiety.

“And help would be appreciated.”

Loving mom talking to upset little child girl giving support. Image: Aleksandr Davydov. 26 February 2019

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this was a “really relatable” issue with back-to-school just around the corner.

“I hear more from parents who are dreading it than the kids who are dreading it at this stage,” she said.

“First of all, she’s only six – I'm gathering this was an issue in preschool too though.

“This parent is listing out the goodbyes at the gate and the million hugs and all of those things, but then [her daughter] is fine when she gets into school.

“It’s literally the point of separation that is the trigger, then she is co-regulating in school, she is calming down, she is connecting and getting on with her day.

“Now, a lot of children can do that, and I don’t want to say they’re absolutely fine because some kids are really good at going, ‘Well, I’m in here now, I just have to mask and get on with it’.”

Joanna recommended this mother examine her daughter’s mood when they reunite at the school gate to see if the girl is still holding onto any anxiety from throughout the day.

'Practice independence'

“I do think something you could do proactively now and going forward is look for opportunities to practice independence, because it will help build her confidence,” she said.

“Then when she has greater self-confidence, self-belief, she’ll cope with being away from her secure base, which is her parent.”

According to Joanna, a good way to do this would be to role-play saying goodbye before school, and building the girl’s confidence by having her order in cafes or take on a few small chores around the house.

Main image: Elementary student girl with mother at school yard. Image: Lev Dolgachov. 24 July 2016