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'Mammies are enablers' – Why young Irish people are so slow to fly the nest

What makes Irish adults so attached to their family home?
Faye Curran
Faye Curran

09.14 15 Aug 2023


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'Mammies are enablers' – Why y...

'Mammies are enablers' – Why young Irish people are so slow to fly the nest

Faye Curran
Faye Curran

09.14 15 Aug 2023


Share this article


The number of young people still living with their parents is on the rise – but what makes Irish adults so attached to their family home?

A recent study from Eurostat found that the number of young Irish adults still living with parents almost doubled in a decade – but women are still quicker to leave home than men.

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Speaking to Newstalk Breakfast, education and parenting consultant Gill Hines said she was "not surprised" by the findings of the study.

"Is this good for young people? Is this good for families? Is this good for parents?" she said.

"My experience would say no, it isn't really."

'Biologically determined'

Ms Hines said the "job of a parent" is to prepare their children to be "self-managing adults".

"Whilst you're living at home that simply isn't happening," she said.

"Like most things that are to do with growing up, they tend to need to happen at certain times and stages, or they don't happen at all or something starts to go a bit wrong.

"We are biologically determined, if you like, to leave home and go off and be independent around about 18 to 20.

"That is sort of biologically when it's supposed to happen, and possibly even younger, but in our modern world about 18 to 20 would be about right."

Parents and adult daughter using laptop at dining table Parents and adult daughter using laptop at dining table (Hero Images Inc. / Alamy Stock Photo)

The fallout of the housing crisis has affected both parents and children, according to Ms Hines.

"Parents, they sort of were looking forward sometimes to having their life back," she said.

"Being able to enjoy some time together and do some of the things that maybe they hadn't been able to do for some years and just relax a bit."

"For the young people, it stops them from becoming the grownups they should be – they're still dependent on their parents for quite a lot of things.

"It's very difficult for parents and children to live together in a way that is equal, where they see each other as equal adults.

"That has a cost psychologically in terms of how young people see themselves in the world and how their confidence is affected by it."

'Enablers'

The study found that Irish women are much more likely to leave home before Irish men.

"Parents treat boys differently to girls," Ms Hines said.

"It's this feeling that men are useless and helpless, and therefore we have to look after them more.

"An awful lot more boys get their laundry done even when they do leave home."

Parents frustrated their adult son living at home. Parents frustrated their adult son living at home. Picture by: Ian Allenden / Alamy Stock Photo

Ms Hines said mothers can be "enablers" – as they carry on doing tasks for their sons for much longer than they do for daughters.

"Daughters are pushed to be independent from a much younger age and therefore are perhaps more willing to go out there," she said.

"Boys, maybe are only going to move out when they can move to somewhere that's as nice as the home they've come from."

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