A woman whose elderly parents care full-time for her disabled brother said she worries it will mean the “death” of her father. 

This week on Lunchtime Live, the show has interviewed people involved in the Before We Die campaign. 

The group comprises of families who care for their adult children and worry about what will happen to them once they die. 

Today, Lunchtime Live spoke to Cork woman Niamh, who has two brothers with disabilities and whose elderly parents are both approaching 80. 

 Her mother’s mobility has declined in recent years and so her father has become her younger brother’s main carer, who has cerebral palsy. 

“So, he relies on my dad to fully care for him with everything really, such as feeding, dressing and personal care needs,” Niamh said. 

“My brother doesn't have an intellectual disability, but he is non-verbal and he does rely on assistive technology to be his voice essentially.

“So, this also needs to be set up every day by my dad as my brother has no independent access to do it himself - so, my dad is literally doing everything for him.” 

Niamh has another brother who is 49 and has autism. 

Unlike her younger brother, he lives in residential care. 

However, it took the family years to get him a place and there is “no energy left for round two”. 

“It's extremely unfair that it's coming to this again,” she explained. 

“And we're in a worse place really because they are older and none of us expected it to be this way at this point.” 

State responsibility

Niamh added that her parents are “doing the state's job for them, really” and estimated that since the birth of her brothers, they had saved the exchequer “millions”. 

She continued that they endure “constant stress” and she now fears for their wellbeing. 

“We really worry about, you know, what's going to happen,” she said. 

“I'm terrified one day that I'm going to get a call to say something has happened to my dad and this will be the death of him. 

“That's what it feels like living like this, we can't wait for a crisis to happen.”

Niamh also worries about what would happen to her brother if her father fell ill. 

“If something happens to my Dad overnight, my Mam can't care for my brother,” she said. 

“We don't even have an answer from the service, how’s that going to work?”

Main image: Someone helping a person tie their shoelaces. Picture by: Alamy.com.