On this week’s segment of ‘So You Think You’re an Adult’, one listener feels doubt about not asking her dad to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
“My dad hasn’t been a constant in my life since I was a young child,” she told Moncrieff. “Only in the last few years has there been any meaningful contact.
“However, my stepdad has been the most amazing influence in my life since he met my mother almost 20 years ago.”
The listener’s stepdad helped her through secondary school, showed interest in her hobbies and offered life advice – so she asked him to walk her down the aisle.
She invited her biological father to the event – but he’s upset, and his relatives are threatening not to attend the wedding.
“I thought this was a fair and honest decision, but now I’m doubting myself,” the listener said.
'The stepdad did the boring stuff'
Writer Sophie White said this is an issue “you’re not going to be able to fix” and make everyone happy.
“There's a lot of people who just want the fight, and you can’t reason with that kind of attitude,” she said.
Sophie said the bride made the right decision by choosing her stepdad to walk her down the aisle.
“The stepdad did the actual boring stuff – he was the actual dad,” she said. He did the Leaving Cert grinding, basketball matches... props to her for honouring him.”
She said the bride’s biological father is probably upset because he doesn’t want to admit to his mistakes.
“It's very confronting for her biological dad to realise that his actions had an effect and had consequences,” she said.
“It sounds like the same kind of selfishness that motivated his non-action for so many years is still there.”
Who the wedding is for
Broadcaster Declan Buckley said the bride needs to remember who she is doing the wedding for.
“Are you doing it to match up everybody else’s expectations or are you actually the main character on your own big day?” he asked.
“She already decided stepdad is dad, stepdad is stepping down the aisle with you. Other dad disappeared and it would be to betray your own feelings to let them get what they want.”
Declan and Sophie agreed if her biological father’s family would rather prioritise public apperances than the bride’s happiness, they’re not worth being at the wedding anyway.
“Maybe if she writes a letter laying it out,” Sophie suggested. “Not necessarily giving it over, but just reasoning through it all for herself to let her come back to that this is the right decision.”
You can listen back to this question and more here: