On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, a man bought his new girlfriend an expensive present after agreeing not to – and she thinks it’s a red flag. 

“I've been dating this guy for a few weeks; it's casual and not serious yet,” she told Moncrieff. 

“We discussed Christmas and decided against gifts due to our tight finances – he's jobless, and I'm recovering from a costly home repair – and instead we planned a New Year’s Eve date. 

“However, I received a €350 gift from him. 

While she thinks the gift is “generous”, it also left her uneasy about the relationship. 

“The gift creates an imbalance in our relationship, and I'm not sure how to handle this. 

“I wouldn’t have minded if it was something small, but this was just totally OTT. Could this be a red flag?” 

An 'amber light'

Writer Barbara Scully said the gift might not be a red flag – but it’s definitely an “amber light”. 

“Perhaps coming from a place of love, he deviated from the deal and you shouldn’t do that,” she said. 

“The other thing is it’s terribly embarrassing if you’ve decided you’re not buying presents and then somebody buys you a present, especially an expensive one. 

“It creates an imbalance.” 

She suggested the girlfriend have the boyfriend return the present if that’s possible. 

“Not that she doesn't like it, but just because it wasn’t really fair and he shouldn't have broken the deal,” she said. 

Presents at Christmas

Broadcaster Declan Buckley pointed out how often people say one thing and mean another, which the boyfriend might have suspected. 

“You know when you're invited to someone’s house and they say don’t bring anything, you never bring nothing,” he said. 

“The guy is going, ‘Well, if I'm going to make a mess of the situation by taking you on face value and then offending you by not getting you a gift and then you show up with a candle, I want to avoid that situation’. 

“It is Christmas.” 

Making a deal

Barbara argued there is a difference between making a deal and saying, "You don’t spend much on me I won’t spend much on you”. 

“When you make a deal when you're both broke and you’re not going to get presents in exchange for a New Year’s date, and he rocks up with a present, that’s breaking a deal.” 

Barbara conceded the issue depends on what €350 gift the boyfriend got. 

“Maybe if it was for a weekend away, then I’d kind of go that’s not a bad idea,” she said. 

Declan agreed, suggesting that was the boyfriend’s way of expressing his commitment. 

Roughly one-third of people return at least one gift after the Christmas season.