On this week’s Adult segment, one letter writer asked how to tell his wife that he has come to regret the fact that they never had children.
“My wife and I got married over four years ago, but we’ve been together 10 years,” he told Moncrieff.
“She’s always been clear that she doesn’t want kids, and that was something we’ve discussed many times - I never wanted children either and couldn’t picture myself being a dad.
“Recently, my brother had his first child and now I feel differently.
“I love my niece and just really enjoy spending time with her and seeing how she’s growing is just magical.
“We’re in our mid-forties and I know it’s completely unfair of me to turn her around now and say I’ve changed my mind, but I have.
“I love my wife, but now I feel like I’m missing out on a future that I’d never imagined – what should I do?”
Father with baby son on shoulders. Image: Connect Images / Alamy. 27 August 2013Broadcaster Barbara Scully said that this is a really difficult situation, but it is important this man discusses his feelings with his wife before resentment starts to fester.
“Communication is vital, he has to share how he’s feeling with his wife,” she said.
“I know it might be uncomfortable, he might feel that he’s changing the rules of some game that they set out probably ages ago, but I think he definitely should talk, even if it’s going to be a difficult conversation.
“But I do think there’s two things – number one is that there’s always a chance that his wife has had second thoughts, and she hasn’t verbalised them to him either, although I think it’s remote.
“I think the other thing is that I’m not suggesting that he should talk to his wife because I think that she might in the end give in and say, ‘Well, okay darling, to make you happy, we’ll have a baby’.”
Biological reaction
TV personality Declan Buckley pointed out that there’s also a biological element to this man’s feelings.
“The bottom line, I suppose, ultimately, if he’s given it thought, is it going to be a deal breaker?” he said.
“It is an interesting thing, you know, holding a child, particularly one that’s related to you, the chemical reactions [you have].
“So, this guy’s feelings are not just irrational, you’re programmed to be feeling that way.
“Because I would have been like, whatever about kids, but when I was with my own brother’s kids, I was blown away by how intense it was as a reaction.
“It’s because it is biological and there’s a thing pushing you to feel this way.”
Main image: Man holding up baby son in field. Image: Connect Images / Alamy. 30 September 2015
