Harry’s adventures in ‘Hogwarts School of Prayer & Miracles’ just doesn’t quite have the same magic to it.

Over on FanFiction.net, where strange things have been known to happen to your favourite pop culture characters, a user named ProudHousewife is currently undertaking the mammoth task of rewriting the Harry Potter series – entirely replacing all of the magic with Christianity.

“My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books, and of course I’m happy for them to be reading, but I don’t want them turning into witches!” ProudHousewife writes.

“So I thought… why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly?”

The book is now seven chapters long and nearing 8000 words.

Here’s a very short extract:

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things.”

Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Yes, I do!” Aunt Petunia screeched.

“Well then prove it!”

Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn’t even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!

ProudHousewife pwns Petunia (Image: PopCultreBreakdown)

Some people have called the whole thing a hoax, with some dedicated spoofer making light of the criticism levelled at the boy who lives by the Christian right in America.

But for now, ProudHousewife continues to add more to the story, and to take away the magic that cast a spell over millions worldwide. 

(H/T: Mommyish)