Ten years after the murder of her two sons, Kathleen Chada has released a book detailing her life leading up to, and following, their tragic deaths.
On July 29, 2013, Kathleen Chada's former husband Sanjeev Chada murdered their two sons, Eoghan (10) and Ruairí (5) in Ballintubber, Co Mayo.
Ms Chada had alerted Gardaí when they did not return home after Chada told his then-wife that he was taking their sons bowling in Carlow.
Almost 24-hours later, Ms Chada received a call from her ex-husband, in which he told her, 'The boys are dead.'
Their bodies were found in the boot of his car, which he had crashed in an attempt to take his own life.
"I also wanted to not be defined by what happened," she said, "I didn't want it to be everything that anybody knew about me."
Ms Chada said she had not believed her sons were in any danger when they left the house on Sunday, July 28th 2013.
"They would have left the house on Sunday not knowing anything. I didn't know any different, they were going bowling, there was nothing unusual," she said.
"Sanj told the guards and detectives afterwards that he had told them that they were going on an adventure and then I was going to be joining them.
"Sanj says that Ruairí slept through everything that happened to Eoghan, but he can't have done with the level of hurt that was inflicted on Eoghan.
"It was strangulation by ligature, there were a lot of injuries inflicted on Eoghan – he had broken ribs, a broken hip bone and collarbone."
Ms Chada said her relationship with her ex-husband had no prior history of abuse.
"We were a happy family and one of the things that I can take some comfort from is the fact that the boys were loved and had happy lives and they knew they were loved," she said.
"Most of the memories are happy memories, if I take that away, I lose so much."
The family unit began to break down after it was revealed that Chada had gambled, and lost, over €56,000 from community centre funds to the stock market.
"It's really difficult because to say that he did this simply because he was ashamed is so inadequate, but there isn't anything adequate," she said.
"There isn't any reason that would ever be good enough for what he did."
In her new book, Ms Chada said she has tried to give her sons the voice that was taken away from them.
The way I look at it now is, it's important for me, in choosing to live that I actually make something of that life," she said.
"There is fun in life for me now. Joy is a different thing than it used to be because it's always tinged but I can still enjoy my life."
In choosing to keep her ex-husband's name, Ms Chada said she honours the memory of her sons.
"Eoghan and Ruairí were born as Eoghan and Ruairí Chada, and I keep it for that. I was very proud to have it, it's their name, so, I keep that connection alive".
If you or someone you know has been impacted by the content of this article, you can contact the Samaritans on their 24-hour free helpline on 116123 or Pieta House on 1800 247 247.
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