The tales of the bankers.....

The Banking Inquiry – a snoozefest – or at least it has been up to now. Most people haven’t a clue what they’ve been on about for the past few months, but this week it started to get interesting.

Former AIB boss Eugene Sheehy was before the inquiry on Wednesday and couldn’t wait to tell us he was “dismissed four times” from the room in Government Buildings on the night the bank guarantee was agreed back in September 2008. In other words he didn’t really know much of what was going on, despite the fact that AIB and Bank of Ireland were there to work with Government as part of the solution. No he didn’t know there was going to be a blanket guarantee – he only learned it the next morning from the media.

Also in the room that night was Dermot Goggin, the then boss of Bank of Ireland. Now his story certainly paints more of a picture. He told us the Government at first wasn’t minded to do anything at all, that Brian Cowen and Brian Lenihan were looking for the solution to come from Bank of Ireland and AIB. Anglo Irish Bank was going to default the next day, but if the two of them could come up with €10 billion then that might solve it. The two banks dutifully obliged in finding such cash stashed or lost down the backs of the sofas. And Goggin was clear – the result of this was that a blanket guarantee on all six banks would be announced the next morning – and he knew that leaving Government Buildings.

Goggin’s exchange with Fianna Fáil’s Michael McGrath is worth listening to as it reveals some at least of what happened.

Sorry seems to be the easiest word...

As the bankers appeared before the inquiry they nearly fell over themselves to express regret and say sorry this week. But I’m not sure if such words will ever appear in the inquiry’s findings when they come out later this year.

And what the public will make of these regrets is something else. It may anger people out there that these men are so sorry while drawing down substantial pension pots – even after voluntary deductions.

One former banker wasn’t offering any apologies this week. Apple watch-wearing Jean Claude Trichet – the man who was in charge of the European Central Bank when Ireland was forced into the Troika bailout doesn’t seem to have that word in his vocabulary at all.

The ECB won’t answer to national parliaments, only the European one and that was Mr Trichet’s excuse for refusing to attend a hearing of the banking inquiry. He’s not the President of the institution anymore so I’m still not clear why he couldn’t put in an appearance at Leinster House. But a bit like the bailout itself, Trichet dragged the members of the inquiry to an event he was giving in Dublin – a ‘lecture’ at an event organised by the Institute of International and European Affairs. And lecture he did. From the off he declared that Ireland was now so much better off for having been bailed out in the first place.

Questioning of Mr Trichet by the banking inquiry members was only by pre-submitted questions and in an agreed order – democracy in action. And no he didn’t tell Brian Lenihan to save the banks at all costs (Lenihan said before he died that a voicemail from trichet was left on his phone) and no he didn’t tell Michael Noonan that a bomb would go off in Dublin if bondholders were burned.

This screen grab sums up his appearance:

A beard or a skirt .... that’ll mind those bankers

Central Bank Governor Patrick Honohan’s had enough of these bankers. He’s going to retire early, he confirmed on Friday. His term in the job isn’t up until the autumn of next year but he thinks the time is right to head off by this autumn. No rows with Government, he confirmed, he just wanted an orderly transition to his successor - a successor who takes charge when the crisis management phase is over.

So what kind of qualities should the successor have? “A beard” he said to howls of laughter to the business, economic, political, news and colour journalists in the room, before he quickly added, “or a skirt.”

Spring Forward, Fall Back...

This week for the Government was to be all about the ‘Spring Statement’ which was somehow going to revolutionise the budgetary process and spell out some bright fresh future. Michael Noonan stood in the Dáil and pulled the trigger of the starting pistol on the next election, saying ‘expansionary budgets were possible every year between now and 20-20’ (what that means is that he’ll have enough money to run the country, cut taxes a little, pay the public servants a few bob more and spend a little extra on services).

But that was it – the rest of the time was a sentence by sentence reminder of all the good things this Government had done and had achieved in the past four years. It was also to get us away from thinking about the controversy over ‘Siteserv’ and the IBRC but that wasn’t happening as the Opposition kept up the questions in the Dáil chamber and the media kept asking the questions at events.

Richard ‘Action Plan for Jobs’ Bruton

Well the man tried to oust Enda Kenny from a job five years ago – and has spent all his time since saying the word job at least once in every sentence. And it must be really working with the grassroots Fine Gael members of his constituency in the north of Dublin city who seemed to think he could do with finding a new job.

The selection convention for Dublin Bay North (a new merged constituency of Bruton’s Dublin North Central and Dublin North East) was held on Thursday night. Gender quotas are the big thing these days – ‘they must have a woman on the ticket’ because future taxpayer funding of our politicians depends on getting enough women into the Dáil.

So it was decided there would be two candidates selected for this five-seat constituency, but alongside the incumbent was Stephanie Regan (who didn’t get elected in last year’s local elections) and Councillor Naoise O’Muiri (who had boosted his profile with a stint as Lord Mayor in the Mansion House). Sure what could go wrong? Well O’Muiri basically told the gathering that the only way he would get on the ticket was to win the convention. In other words whoever else was selected with him (Bruton or Regan), the result would be Fine Gael headquarters would have to add the third – because they needed a woman so if Regan lost she’d be added and sure if RJB (Richard Jobs Bruton) lost then he would also be added. Well the members dutifully obliged and didn’t vote for Bruton in sufficient numbers. His red face lasted until Friday when the party’s executive formally added him. Phew – his job is safe for now!