Newstalk
Newstalk

13.51 22 Dec 2016


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Ah, the Christmas cracker joke: one of the most beloved of festive traditions, while also being one of the most despised.

Yes, the little piece of paper that accompanies the flimsy paper hat and probably useless 'gift' usually contains a gag to elicit a genuine groan.

At their best, they are dreadful, dreadful puns. At their worst, they are borderline crimes against humour. But would you have it any other way? 

Below we've listed some of the 'best' - by which we also mean 'worst' - jokes to rival any Christmas cracker jokes. Be warned: we bear no responsibility for any excessive eye-rolling or groaning that may occur.

Q: Which side of the chicken has the most feathers?

A: The outside

Q: What song do friends & family sing at a snowman's birthday party?

A: Freeze a jolly good fellow

Q: What happens when you cross a bell with a skunk?Ӭ

A: Jingle Smells

Q: What’s the best Christmas present you can get?

A: A broken drum - you just can’t beat it!

Q: Did you hear that the advent calendar got a terrible diagnosis?

A: Its days are numbered!

Q: What do you call a duck in a Santa hat?

A: A Christmas quacker

Picture by Lewis Whyld PA Archive/PA Images

Q: Why was Santa’s helper sent to a psychiatrist?

A: He had low elf esteem

Q: What do you call a penguin wandering through Dublin city centre?

A: Lost

Q: What do you call a child who does not believe in Santa?

A: A rebel without a Claus

Q: Why is a foot a great Christmas present?

A: It's an excellent stocking filler


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