January. I’d feel sorry for it if I didn’t dislike it so much. What a tough act to follow coming after Christmas. No more mince pies, no more Jingle Bells, no more stocking fillers. We’ve put the festive spirit away for another year and the alcoholic spirits partially too. No wonder ‘Blue Monday’ exists in January. The name given to the third Monday on which most of us feel at our lowest ebb. Why? Because we’ve probably packed in the New Year’s resolutions already. But what makes one resolution stick and not another? What makes one person resolve to give up smoking while another can’t commit to quit?
A resolution is an intention or promise we make to ourselves to start doing something good or to stop doing something bad. As a psychotherapist I often hear clients make promises to themselves about behaviours they would like to change and therapy is a great opportunity to tackle these things together. However, when I hear friends talk about New Year’s resolutions, I can’t help but inhale deeply and wait anxiously for the list to be unveiled—a list containing both naughty and nice objectives. It’s not that I doubt my friends’ keen endeavours; I am just a firm believer in making changes in our lives at any time of year, not just in January.
Jack Charlton may have “put ’em under pressure” but it is often pressure that makes people quit before they have even tried. This is why I suggest birthdays as a good time to make new promises and go for a fresh start. This way, the pressure to succeed is not ramped up by advertising agencies that want you to buy into the idea that a New Year might mean a new you. Instead, you can take it at your own pace. Unless of course your birthday falls in January… in which case, ignore the peer pressure.
So does a resolution stick because we’re in the right frame of mind with the right amount of willpower? The marshmallow experiment is a famous test conducted on the concept by Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s and proves how willpower works (video below). In the test, a group of four-year olds was each given a marshmallow and were promised another one, but only if they could wait 20 minutes to eat the first one.
Most children struggled to resist the treat and held out for an average of less than three minutes. Once Mischel began analysing the results, he noticed that the children who rang the bell quickly, seemed more likely to have behavioural problems, both in school and at home. They got lower SAT scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention, and found it difficult to maintain friendships. The child who could wait fifteen minutes had an SAT score that was, on average, two hundred and ten points higher than that of the child who could wait only thirty seconds. This has applications in all walks of life. It proves how self-control over delayed gratification is the key to success.
Self-control is highly correlated with the size and activity of the brain’s frontal lobes—the large area behind the forehead and the most recently evolved part of the brain responsible for planning, decision making and goal setting. This pre-frontal cortex handles willpower like a muscle, and like any muscle, it needs to be trained. We often spend time training in the gym, building our muscles in certain body parts but we rarely spend time training our brains.
Several companies that produce ‘brain-training’ apps have used scans of brains ‘lighting up’ to support claims that their programmes are effective, but these simply show a measure of the energy that the brain is using, rather than providing any evidence that the brain is being altered in a long-term way. It seems more research is needed in general, but we can glean some information on willpower from Dr. Roy Baumeister’s findings that reveal willpower can actually be strengthened.
His researchers investigated people who practiced correct posture as a means of self-control and found that when people do this they start spending less, study more, and are more in control of their emotions. Simply forcing yourself to do something a little more difficult everyday like flossing your teeth or sitting up straight at your desk will increase your overall willpower. It’s something you have to slowly build over time; otherwise too much strain will tap your willpower out. In other words, if we do decide to train our pre-frontal cortex (our willpower) at the start of the new year with a resolution to quit smoking or lose lots of weight, that’s the equivalent of running a marathon without any previous training.
This is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to keep our resolutions. We put too high an expectation on ourselves. We pile on the pressure and tend to take on too much, too soon. We join the gym, we cut out chocolate or alcohol and we stop smoking. We go from hot turkey to cold turkey in just one sitting and expect to achieve great results.
So here are the three S’s for keeping your resolutions…
Start SMALL
We stick to our goals when they are realistic, so make resolutions you think you can keep. For example, if your resolution is to stop eating junk food, why not start by substituting the biscuits for a healthier treat. That way your chances of succeeding will increase significantly because you’ve set yourself a realistic goal.
Start SLOW
Take one thing at a time. In the same way you might write a list of all the things you need to do, start by working on one thing at a time. Otherwise it can all become overwhelming. Just as bad habits take time to develop, it takes time to form good habits too. So take each resolution and break it down to the smallest habit.
Start with SUPPORT
There really is power in numbers. By enlisting the help of another you are showing your commitment to achieving this goal and you are also acknowledging your limitations. Talk about your objectives with friends and family; explain what they mean to you and ask them to help you achieve your goals. If you can join a group with the same interests, your resolution is more likely to stick.
Finally, no matter how you do with the goals you set for yourself, try to be kind to yourself. It is in the kindness and compassion we show ourselves and to others, that we get the best results. It is through understanding that we can change our ways and learn what is right for us. So try not to beat yourself up. Some days will be easier than others. Just chalk them down and know that tomorrow is another day with new opportunities. Sometimes it takes a few attempts before we realise what is best for us, so view January—or any time for change—as a fresh start. Self-compassion beats self-criticism any day.
