This week on Parenting, one mother asked if her husband’s wish to see her two young sons help out on the farm every weekend to learn discipline, responsibility and the value of hard work.
“Over the midterm, my husband, who is a dairy farmer, had the boys getting up at 6 a.m. every second morning to help with milking the cows,” she told Moncrieff.
“Both of them were also expected to help with the evening milking at 5 p.m. They weren't thrilled about it and did complain to me, but they did it.
“Now that school is back, my husband has said that one of them will have to get up every Saturday and Sunday morning to help, rotating weekends between them.
“I feel that 6 a.m. on school weekends might be too much for boys their age, but my husband feels strongly that it teaches discipline, responsibility, and the value of hard work. He often says he was doing even more at their age.”
The letter writer added that her husband is milking 120 cows on his own and “genuinely needs the help” but was unsure this was the proper way to teach work ethic and responsibility while remaining on the same page as her husband.
“That last bit is the crux of the question because the issue here isn't really the task. It's that as parents, you're not on the same page”, parenting expert Joanna Fortune told Moncrieff.
“Children, particularly 9 and 11-year-old children, will be very good at spotting that you're not on board with this, that you're not certain, and they'll see it as an opportunity to protest.
“I don’t think it's too much for them to do. These are kids growing up on a farm. Part of being in a family that is a farming family is helping out on the farm.”
Mrs Fortune argued that children should have chores as being part of a family includes everyone helping out.
Farmer controls drone. Picture: Scharfsinn.“What those chores are should be commensurate with their age and stage of development and their capacity”, she told Newstalk.
She said that requesting children help out with household chores may get conflicting reactions but could be framed as quality time spent with loved ones.
“You're going to do this, but we have this time together, we're having a chat. After the task is achieved, we're celebrating with a big family breakfast at the weekend. That becomes the thing to look forward to.
“I really think the issue is that as parents, you're not on the same page and that's what's going to cause you a problem with the boys because they'll feed on that division. So the most important thing to do is sit down and talk it through.
“They’ll likely choose who gets the first weekend on and who gets the weekend off, you might have to do that in a playful way, pulling a name out of a bowl.”
Main Image: Farming – Livestock. Picture by: PA Images.
