On this week’s Parenting segment, one woman wants to know when to introduce her boyfriend to her four-year-old daughter. 

“I broke up with my daughter’s dad a year ago,” she told Moncrieff. 

“I started seeing someone 2 months ago but I’ve yet to introduce him to my four-year-old. 

“I’m nervous that the relationship won’t be long term and for that reason I’m afraid an introduction my cause confusion and eventual hurt for my little girl.” 

She said she has “no clue how to navigate this” and wants to know when an appropriate time is to introduce them in person. 

'Take your time'

Child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said two months is still a new, fresh relationship. 

“You don’t need to rush the introduction at all – you definitely have time on your hands here," she said. 

“Wait until you do feel this is a long-term relationship, as certain as anyone can be about that. 

“Take your time with it – you're in the first stage of a new relationship, so enjoy that.” 

Man and young girl colouring at table with woman behind. Image: Cultura Creative RF / Alamy Stock Photo

Joanna pointed out whether the listener stays with her current boyfriend, or they break up, she will eventually have to introduce her daughter to a new man. 

“The best approach is to be honest, prepared and age-appropriate,” she said. 

“It isn’t the same as sharing this information with a friend or family member because the first thing she’s going to be thinking is, ‘How does this affect me?’. 

“Be very sensitive to the fact that a four-year-old child may still be holding onto the fantasy that you and her dad may get back together.” 

Gradual introductions

The best way to introduce a new boyfriend to your child is “gradually”, according to Joanna, and begin mentioning him before introducing him in person.

“Do something like short activities and little bits of time together and build it gradually as they get to know each other,” she said. 

“Don't have unrealistic expectations on either part. 

“You do want to be clear with your daughter who he is and who he is not - ‘He is my boyfriend, he is going to be in our lives, but he is not your new dad, you have a dad’.” 

The way the woman tells her daughter is the most important thing, Joanna said. 

“Keeping it very clear and simple is the way,” she said. 

“I'd practice this – sit a friend down and tell them to be a four-year-old.” 

Listen back here: