A lesbian mother has spoken of the “big shock” when she and her wife realised they would need to undergo IVF in order for them to both have a legal relationship with their child.
Gay and lesbian couples in Ireland gained the right to parent children together 11 years ago when the Oireachtas passed the Children and Family Relationships Act 2015.
Despite this legislation - and the subsequent passage of the marriage equality referendum - things are still far from simple for queer couples looking to raise a family together.
On Moncrieff, Aoife O’Connor explained why she decided to write about her journey to motherhood in her new play, In Vitro.
“We were very fortunate in that we started the process when I was 27,” she explained.
“So really, I was at a great age to be having a baby and didn't have any fertility issues.
“But when we sat down and looked at how to have a child in Ireland with the current laws, we realised for both of us to be on the birth certificate, in fact, we had to use a fertility clinic - even though neither of us had fertility problems.”
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Ms O’Connor added this realisation was a “big shock” and meant they had to sit down and reconsider their journey to parenthood.
“There were a lot of lovely people in our lives that were willing to help,” she said.
“Or else using donor sperm and getting it delivered to the house, which would be called at-home insemination - and both of those would be free.
“And the first option would allow us to maybe have a relationship and our daughter to know the person that donated - and that could be a sweet thing.
“The other option was completely free and private, whereas the only option that we were allowed to have was to go through a fertility clinic.”
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However, had the couple chosen either of those options, only one of them would have been listed on the child’s birth certificate - with all the important legal rights that entails.
Ultimately, they decided to conceive their child through IVF.
“If you're a very particular version of queer in Ireland, which is two women going through a fertility clinic, only then do you both get rights to your child,” Ms O’Connor said.
“But that's a very small percentage of people who can afford 10, 15 grand to both have access to their child legally.
“So, it was a really big conundrum and it really created unnecessary financial stress and worry when we considered the first two options.”
Overall, Ms O’Connor feels the legal system still creates far too many unnecessary barriers for non-heterosexual couples looking to become parents.
“Everyone else in Ireland's having a baby at home and lots of queer couples are totally fertile and able to have a baby at home,” she said.
“But the government is forcing us into clinics.”
In Vitro will be performed at Bewley’s Cafe Theatre from 2nd February until 21st February.
Main image: Aoife O'Connor. Image: Supplied.
