'I thought I was going to die' - Abuse survivor appeals to others to come forward

The child protection expert and author was abused from the age of four
Jack Quann
Jack Quann

11.37 8 Nov 2022


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'I thought I was going to die'...

'I thought I was going to die' - Abuse survivor appeals to others to come forward

Jack Quann
Jack Quann

11.37 8 Nov 2022


Share this article


A survivor of clerical abuse has said the only way to avoid anything like this happening again is to talk about it openly.

Child protection expert and author Shane Dunphy has urged those affected by abuse to come forward.

He told The Pat Kenny Show he was abused from the age of four.

"I grew up believing that abuse my simply a part of life", he said.

"My own earliest experiences began when I was about four-years-old, with a priest in our local community who would visit me in my home, and would also go to the primary school that I attended.

"That stopped when I was about eight, and then when I went on to secondary school in St Peter's College in Wexford I was singled out actually at my entrance exam to that school by one of the priests who told me that he'd be keeping a special eye on me.

"Within a matter of a couple of weeks of my starting in the school, I was being asked to go to his room in-between classes.

"He'd loan me books, he would show me computer equipment that he had; and that grooming very rapidly led on to sexual abuse."

He said the two perpetrators knew each other.

'I freaked out, I started screaming'

Shane recalls one incident that was particularly harrowing when he was 14.

"It got to the point where it became so violent that there was an experience where I genuinely thought I was going to die," he said.

"I remember, just before I passed out, thinking 'I hope they bury me somewhere where nobody finds me' - and I freaked out, I started screaming.

"There was two priests involved in that particular experience, and I think they became so afraid that I would tell that they started to ease off and gradually it petered out over a period of a few months".

Shane Dunphy Shane Dunphy. Picture by: shanedunphyauthor.org

He said this needs to be looked at in the time it happened, when a priests actions were never questioned.

"We have to take into context the stranglehold that the church had over Ireland in the '70 and '80s and even into the early 90s," he said.

"These guys ruled with a rod of iron and nobody stood up to them or questioned them at all.

"I just believed it was these guy's right to do whatever they wanted: you didn't question it.

"It makes me absolutely furious now to think of these individuals standing on the altar, preaching moral authority and telling people what they're supposed to do or what they're not supposed to do in every aspect of their life.

"It's repugnant to me that they felt that they could do that, the rank hypocrisy.

"However that's what was believed, that's what people accepted".

'Light at the end of the tunnel'

Shane said such abuse in childhood can be devastating in adulthood.

"I think that it's really important that these stories are getting out there into the media, because the only way we're going to make sure that things like this never happen again is by talking openly about them," he said.

"Also childhood sexual abuse is devastating to adults, that we need to get the message out as well that you do need to talk about this and you do need to seek help.

"It's too much to do on your own".

He has this advice for anyone who was or is in a similar situation.

"My message is get help - if this is something that you've been carrying around with you, this is not your fault.

"This is nothing that you did that made this happen - your innocence was taken advantage of by bad people, it's as simple as that.

"Get help, it's too hard to do by yourself.

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm testimony to that," he added.

Listen back to the full interview below:

Anyone affected by issues raised in this article can contact the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre National 24-Hour Helpline on 1800-77-8888, or One in Four at 01-66-24070. In an emergency call 999

Main image: Shane Dunphy. Picture via @dunphyshane1 on Twitter

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Clerical Abuse Priests Sexual Abuse Shane Dunphy The Pat Kenny Show