Since the Donegal Dollop kindly provided us with the ‘ href="http://www.newstalk.ie/2012/featured-5-slideshow-homepage/a-donegal-person%E2%80%99s-guide-to-dublin/">Donegal Person’s Guide to Dublin’ we thought it would only right to provide all those from the wild west of Mayo with a similar guide.
It’s a long enough journey, will you head down to Gawlay and take the motorway from there or brave the back roads of Roscommon?
There’s always the train too if you’re particularly flush with cash.
Either way it’s best to enlighten yourself about your destination so you don’t embarrass your city-dwelling Mayo friends when you arrive.
He may be a bit of a buck down in Claremorris but up here Sean is a respectable accountant you know.
Long after Mid-Wesht has become nothing but static on the radio this guide will be here to keep you company as County Mayo moves to Dublin City for the weekend.
When you get to the Capital, it’s likely that the first ‘Dubliner’ you encounter will be a gentleman asking for change. It’s usually for one of two reasons (A) He lost his bus ticket and needs to make up the fare to get home or (B) He needs money for a hostel for the night. You’re best advised to keep your money in your pocket.
Since half the population of Mayo lives in Dublin or Australia, chances are you already know someone up here. Taking a bus to their place is an option but beware that 20 euro note your parents gave you for the big day is no good here, you will be met with ridicule by the bus driver. Get a taxi instead.
While in a taxi, it’s extremely likely the driver will ask you where you’re from. If he asks ‘Do you know the O’Briens in Ballina?’ Just smile and politely say you think so, there’s no need to tell the driver you live in Ballintubber, the population of Mayo is 130,552 and you knowing the O’Briens in Ballina is about as likely as him knowing ‘Damo’ from Finglas
For the younger population of Dublin their view of Mayo will most likely shaped by the antics of the ‘Hardy Bucks’. This is ok, tell them you’re from Castletown and you know the lads very well. This way you’ll earn their respect and maybe a free ticket for the match
If you spot someone from Mayo that you know to see but have never actually spoken to, now is the time to approach. Mayo people living in Dublin are like Irish people living abroad, they mightn’t give you the time of day if they meet you in Castlebar but up here you’re their new best friend
Your night will end in Flannery’s or Copper Face Jacks. Mayo people are drawn to these establishments like moths to a flame. You will probably recognise 50 % of the crowd there, this is a good thing as it will remind you of home
‘Ah sure now, you know yourself’ does not constitute an answer if you get talking to a local on a night out.
You do not have to leave the nightclub at 2 a.m. to beat the queue for food at the local Supermacs. Fast food outlets are ten-a-penny in Dublin, some even stay open for 24 hours
Regardless of what you think, nobody wants to hear you belting out ‘The Green and Red of Mayo’ at 4 a.m. on Grafton Street. Remember some people in Dublin don’t like the Sawdoctors, some may never even have heard of them!
Sure there you have it.
Make the most of the weekend and enjoy the craic, sure it’ll be mighty! Whatever happens the West is well and truly awake!
Written by Joe, our resident Mayo man at Newstalk HQ.
