With each new day, the Internet of things becomes a growing technological phenomenon in our lives. Everyday devices are continually finding new ways to become connected to the web, and wearable devices have been built to monitor our every waking – and sleeping – moment in an effort to quantify our lives through interpretable data. There are fitness trackers for our heads and our wrists. And now boys and their big – or perfectly adequately sized – toys, there’s even a wearable tracker for the penis.

Are you tired of taking part in the kind of erotic lovemaking that lacks any sort of empirical data? Don’t you just burn with desire to be able to eschew the post-completion cigarette to instead track the average speed of your pelvic thrusts across a graph? Well, that’s where the Lovely comes in, the wearable tech described as the Fitbit for your penis, squarely putting the X-Y axis into your sexy access.

"Basically, Lovely looks like a teardrop," its creator Jakob Konik recently told Sean Moncrieff. "Its shape was inspired by nature, and we wanted the shape to appeal to both partners."

Essentially, the device is a surgical-grade silicon loop, packed full of tracking and analysing technology. Worn by men, the hardware slides over the penis where it combines into a holy Trinity of technological wonder, acting as an erectile aide, priapic monitor, and encouraging coach, offering tips on how to improve your sex life.

"Inside of the device you can find the stuff that basically Apple has inside an iPhone that detects movement," Jakob said. "There's a lot of hardware inside. There's also a vibration motor that provides vibration, and a Bluetooth sensor that can communicate with the smartphone and the app that both partners can view interesting information and data on their intercourse."

The "interesting data" Lovely feeds back is information on the amount of calories your bout of bonking has burned, as well as  the speed and force of thrusting. The device will also take note of when your lovemaking becomes too rote, and can suggest 120 different positions for partners to consider trying out the next time in order to keep things interesting. 

The Lovely issues wearers with some helpful tips [Indiegogo]

The Lovely is capable of lasting a (perhaps ambitious) seven hours on a single charge, though this reduces to two hours if the vibration option is employed. When it's not being used, the Lovely builds up its juice via and inductive charging dock, though it is perhaps wise to keep a packet of wet wipes nearby to clean it first. 

Lovely is currently seeking crowd-sourced funding on Indiegogo, where it has currently amassed more than a third of its $95,000 (€84,000) goal. Early investors can hope to get their hands on the device by June 2016, and it could make the perfect present for any man interested in deep data diving. 

You can listen to Sean Moncrieff's full interview with Lovely-creator Jakob Konik below: