This week on So You Think You’re an Adult, one listener asked for advice on whether they should end their marriage as they do not like the person their husband has become.  

The letter writer said that her husband has changed as a person since their whirlwind marriage almost two years ago.  

“My husband and I met during COVID and sort of had a whirlwind romance,” she told Moncrieff. 

“We're both outgoing, loud, love a good time and like to drink. 

“Unfortunately, this meant that most of the time we spent together we were under the influence. 

“In January last year, we decided to give up drinking because it had become a problem, but by April we went back drinking, but at a more moderate and normal level. 

“Since then, things have taken a turn, He's a totally different person. 

“He speaks down to me, is always in a bad mood and never wants to have sex."

'I want out'

The letter writer said that essentially how her day goes “depends on his mood”, explaining that the love in her marriage has gone and she is looking for a solution.  

“I feel alone and lost in my marriage and undesired sexually. 

“He never asks how my day was or how I am, but I feel like I constantly have to pander to his feelings and needs. 

“Our two year wedding anniversary is looming, but I want out. 

“I'm in my early 30s and I have what most women want marriage in a big house. 

“He has a great job, comes from money, but honestly, none of that matters now. "

Red flags

Broadcaster Barbara Scully said that while reading the letter she noticed a littering of “red flags”. 

“I think it's very sad that she says she feels alone and lost. 

“She says she has what she wanted, which was, you know, the marriage and the big house and she'd love a baby. 

“But, like, you know, to me, this whole letter just sounds like a woman who's really confused and definitely unhappy about what she wants."

Problems

TV personality Declan Buckley said that there are multiple layers of issues at play which is leading to a failed marriage. 

“There's the actual core relationship disintegrating. 

“But then on top of that, there's a drink problem. 

“There is also this kind of, we're not having sex, but, you know, I'm thinking, I want a baby. 

“It seems very confused."

Mr Buckley also suggested that the relationship may be changing as the couple change as people with age and maturity.  

“I think a lot of people, particularly when they're younger, have certain social arrangements and they have certain friendships that are very good in a kind of chaotic, we're out partying all the time kind of way. 

“But as you get older or as you drink less, suddenly the value of those friendships and those people lose their glimmer or their kind of shine.”