This week on Parenting, two parents were concerned about young children being physically bullied and another child not wanting to go to their childminders.

Clinical child psychologist and parenting expert Dr. David Coleman joined The Claire Byrne Show to discuss and give advice to parents with young kids on how to handle bullying and childcare issues. 

Bullying

One parent said that their daughter had just started junior infants and already has an issue with another five-year-old with physical hitting, biting and pushing. 

The immediate response to this behaviour would be to go in early, talk to the teacher and to make sure the daughter has people on the yard looking out for her, Dr Coleman said.

“Give your daughter permission to hit back, to bite back and to whatever back when it comes to the physical stuff."

Dr Coleman said that children tend to hit as a way to exert power, if a child is hitting, they don’t feel like you are going to hit them back, which makes them feel like they have licence to continue to hit.

“Even if your attempt to fight back isn’t particularly successful, as in you don’t feel like you can or you don’t want to fight. You reacting means you no longer become an easy target.

“You want your child to feel that they have a right and a licence to defend themselves,” he said.

For parents concerned with a teacher's response to their child hitting back, Dr Coleman's advice was to go into the teacher and say ‘I’ll always support my daughter fighting back. The issue is not my daughter. The issue is this other girl who is the aggressor.’

However, with verbal arguments, Dr Coleman's advice varies, there is no point in mocking back because it tends to intensify.

Along with schools going back, parents often need child care, babysitters, and an extra hand around collections and childminding.

Childminders

Another parent addressed the issue of her six-year-old daughter not wanting to go to her childminder.

The daughter told her that the childminder's child was 'mean' to her.

“I know I need to take some things my children say with a pinch of salt, but I also don’t want to send my child off upset each morning. Should I speak to the childminder about it or could it just be a phase?” the parent asked.

Dr Coleman's advice was to absolutely speak to the minder. 

“I think if your daughter is saying to you that somebody is being mean to them, presumably that means that they don’t know how to deal with it themselves, then you have a responsibility to try and help them sort it out.” 

Finding out what ‘mean’ looks like is essential to the parent, Dr Coleman said, ask your child about specific behaviours.

Understanding the severity of the situation is important because Dr Coleman said it could just be that the child doesn’t want to go there after school, or they don’t like that they are away from you for so long.

“Talk to the childminder as you would talk to any other mother. Presumably the childminder will have this balance between being a professional but also being protective of her own daughter."

“Hopefully the conversation goes well, but if there is an issue at least the childminder is going to be alert to it now, which means your daughter may get fairer treatment in the childminder’s home. Hopefully that will resolve the issue,” he said.

However, Dr Coleman said if the issue is more towards the child not wanting to go to a childminder, then talk to your daughter about how hard the long days are and how hard it is to miss her parents. 

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