What's it like to meet your son's killer?

It is a prospect so revoltingly awful and rare that few ever even think about it.

And yet this is exactly what happened to Diane Foley, whose son, James, was murdered by Islamic State. 

An American journalist, he had been working in Syria when he was captured in 2012. 

After two years as a hostage, he was beheaded and a video of his execution was posted online. 

In 2021, one of his killers, Alexanda Kotey, pleaded guilty as part of a plea deal following his extradition to the United States. 

As a condition of the deal, Kotey had to sit down and talk to any of his surviving victims or their family members who wished to do so. 

The story of what happened next has since been turned into a book, American Mother, by Irish author Colum McCann

“Guess who put her hand up - incredibly bravely - and said, ‘I would like to talk to my son’s killer’,” Mr McCann explained to Moncrieff.  

“Diane Foley, she said to me, ‘Would you please accompany me?’ I was sort of a family friend at that stage and her husband didn’t want to go. 

“Her children didn’t want to go, for fairly obvious reasons.” 

American journalist James Foley was taken hostage by ISIS. Our gov’t refused to negotiate his release. ISIS murdered him. 10 yrs ago, his mother started #FoleyFoundation to inspire moral courage, protect journalists, & free American hostages & wrongful detainees. #JimFoley10Years pic.twitter.com/VcRAVYbgxV

— James W. Foley Legacy Foundation (@JamesFoleyFund) September 4, 2024

Mr McCann continued that he would “never forget” that journey to a courthouse in Virginia, where Ms Foley came face to face with her son’s killer. 

“She stood in front of him and said, ‘Hi Alexander, my name is Diane Foley,’” he recalled. 

“They began to talk and the talks lasted for two days at first, then another day six months later.” 

The killer

Born in London, Kotey was stripped of his British citizenship after he pledged allegiance to Islamic State. 

Although he had expected a football hooligan, Mr McCann was surprised to find the man in the courtroom was intelligent and well read. 

“On the desk in front of him, he had a book and I was dying to know what it was,” he recalled. 

“The spine was turned the wrong way and I didn’t want to ask that early on in our conversation. 

“Eventually, he started asking me about Northern Ireland.” 

Journalist James Foley. Picture by: AP Photo/Steven Senne.

It turned out the book was Say Nothing, the best seller about the murder of Belfast mother of 10 Jean McConville by the IRA. 

It was, Mr McCann reflected, just one example of how Kotey was “quite a complex character”, whose crimes had a “political dimension and religious dimension”. 

“He said he was a soldier of Islam,” he said. 

“That he had gone to fight, he’d gone to protect Islam and it was a war with the West. 

“And that he had done what soldiers in war - that was part of his defence with Diane. 

“He knew he had done terrible things but part of it was what he would call ‘the fog of war’.” 

Despite this, Mr McCann said he could “feel the guilt coming from him”.

Kotey remains behind bars to this day, having sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. 

Main image: Diane Foley, mother of journalist James Foley. Picture by: AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta.