Too much dating choice means you won't make a decision, matchmaker warns

One psychologist says dating opportunities for men are fading as standards rise
Jack Quann
Jack Quann

13.40 16 Aug 2022

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Too much dating choice means y...

Too much dating choice means you won't make a decision, matchmaker warns

Jack Quann
Jack Quann

13.40 16 Aug 2022

Share this article

One matchmaker is warning that if people feel they have too much choice while dating, they simply won't make a decision.

Mairéad Loughman of Love HQ was speaking after a relationship psychologist suggested dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing, as relationship standards rise.

Dr Greg Matos said men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.


While he believes men also need to address their skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.

"Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they've ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse", he wrote in Psychology Today.

But Mairéad told Pat Kenny this is partly down to how we do things.

"I don't think that it's that women are setting the bar too high, I think society has changed a little - even within one generation.

"When a lot of people who are working today, when they were growing up, their mum was maybe a stay-at-home mum, she wasn't out working.

"So society and the way people date, and how they choose their partner, is completely different.

"Now women tend to be a little bit more financially secure and independent.

"Therefore what they're looking for in a partner tends to be just slightly different."

The Tinder dating app is seen on an iPhone. The Tinder dating app is seen on an iPhone. Picture by: Urbanmyth / Alamy Stock Photo

However Mairéad says too much choice can be a bad thing.

"People are not built to, maybe, swipe 1,000 people in a week.

"Realistically, five to nine is the max that people can really deal with at a time of choice.

"Basically: the parity of choice is that if you have too many choices, the chances are that you will make no choice.

"So therefore you'll stay single for longer".

'Don't get caught up in the superficial'

But she says it's important to focus on the bigger picture, too.

"That's the great thing with dating: there is no rules.

"What I always say to people is have fun, enjoy yourself and be open.

"Sometimes people get caught up in the superficial, nonsense bulls***y stuff.

"You're trying to find someone that you're going to share your life with: does an extra two inches in height really matter if they're a really good person?"

And Mairéad says in her experience, it's not about dating 'upwards'.

"There is a certain element of that - but what's important really when people come to me looking for a partner is someone that's kind, someone that's happy in their job.

"A lot of people say 'I'd like to meet someone that's happy in their job' because maybe they've dated someone previously that wasn't happy in their job.

"Things like work-life balance is very important for ladies when they come to me.

"And obviously the one that's hugely important, and that every lady asks for, is a man with a good sense of humour.

"So I don't know if it's necessary that men need to up their skills."

Main image: An online dating app on a mobile phone. Picture by: Tero Vesalainen / Alamy Stock Photo

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Dating Dr Greg Matos Heterosexual Men Love HQ Mairead Loughman Matchmaker Pat Kenny Psychology Today Superficial Work-life Balance

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