Nations falling apart, western civilization falling apart, the bank inquiry and the Dáil returning - all these events are happening right now but I have a reason to ignore them. In fact I have 72 million reasons. If I was being pedantic, that figure should actually be 100 million in European terms.

I speak of £72 million or €100 million which is the cost of being cool. That is the cost of pretending your George Clooney. That is the cost of being a hipster.

It has come to my attention that one vital (or should that be Vidal) sector of the economy is shedding millions as I write. The grooming industry has chopped off a whopping €100 million in the past year. The best a man can get is now rusting away. The foamy luxury rinsed down the drain.

One of the most pleasurable and public experiences a man can have is a hot towel shave. The ritual is in itself something to behold. You sit in a comfy chair, you are lathered up. Your life is placed in another’s hands as he skilfully manipulates his cut-throat razor. That tension is finally released as you are engulfed in the softest of soft hot towels and you are allowed gently drift away as your newly-shaved face relaxes under its protection.

With the relentless march of hipsterism, this age old craft is close to endangerment. Forget the fact of walking into a bar and every hipster looking the same. Forget the fact we may have a mountain of plastic bic shavers waiting to be opened. A whole generation of traditional barbers will be swept away in the name of cool facial hair.

Are you willing to go through the months of itch as you try to convince yourself that your ‘bum fluff’ is actually a beard? Do you really want passport control to look at you as if you have two heads as they try to figure out is that really you under that strange mess?

All this faces us if we carry on with this rush to facial hair. €100 million is just the beginning. You have been warned.