Newstalk host Shane Beatty was joined by Cathal O’Sullivan, producer at 98FM and Ali Ryan founder and CEO of Goss.ie to discuss the do’s and don’t’s of first dates.

First dates are a delicate operation, part like an interview and part like a chemistry experiment. 

There are lots of people over-sharing, checking their phone on first dates, talking about their exes, talking about politics, religion, money, asking people how much they earn. Indeed, certain moves that can kill the vibe instantly. 

Newstalk Saturday host Shane Beatty was joined by Cathal O’Sullivan, producer at 98FM and Ali Ryan founder and CEO of Goss.ie to discuss the do’s and don’t’s of first dates. 

“There’s a certain amount of things people don’t want to hear on a first date,” Cathal O’Sullivan told Shane Beatty. 

“You want to be relaxed, to be enjoying yourself but you don’t want to be put on the spot when it comes to your job, former partners and things like that.”

He noted that people may increasingly be looking to dates as a release valve from their lives. 

“Some people have a work-life balance where they’re working really hard and not enjoying it and then they go on dates to see what the dating world is like”, he told Newstalk. 

“They’re not always trying to find a partner but they’re putting themselves out there and trying something new. Sometimes these red flags do come up.”

He recommended proceeding with “baby steps” when it comes to first dates. 

Young happy couple drinking coffee and laughing in cafe. Picture by: Alamy.

Ali Ryan of Goss.ie said that one major red flag would be slamming your ex-partner on a first date. 

“I think discussing it should be off limits,” she told Newstalk.

“It takes away from getting to know someone in a romantic way because suddenly you’re talking about their ex and what they did wrong. The date just takes a turn when someone goes down that road,” she added. 

“If they’re slamming their ex I’m going to immediately assume this guy is self-involved and is taking no ownership for the issue.”

She also said that she paid attention to how much her date may be drinking. 

“If a guy's like pounding the pints in and it's like a Wednesday and you were both at work tomorrow, that's like a red flag for me,” she explained. 

She mentioned that political views could also be a red flag and that she was previously open about her desire for marriage and children on dates. 

“The best advice one of my friends gave is dating to have fun, not to marry,” Ryan told Newstalk. 

“I started to reframe things, let my walls down and come across better on dates. I think a lot of girls are so sick of dating they’re going to ask point blank - they just want to know on the first date.

“I think men feel like they're being interviewed for a job when you do that and it just does not come across well. 

The question of who pays arose, to which Cathal O’Sullivan replied that “going Dutch is still the usual practice”. 

“ I think it's a balancing act and you kind of have to allow someone to show that little bit of chivalry. 

“I know sometimes people say it's very traditional not to pay your own way but if someone really puts themselves out there and they're having a really nice time and they want to do it, I can't see why not.”

Ryan added that if only a few drinks have been shared the polite thing would be to pay for everyone as getting  Revolut requests at the end of the night is rather unpleasant. 

They also discussed silences on first dates. 

Ali Ryan of Goss.ie said that women can figure out quite quickly that there is chemistry or not with their date. 

“I always think you should give someone at least two dates if there's any attraction at all, because I do think we have to be a little bit nicer on the lads. We do have high expectations and we do want them to pay the bill and we do want them to be chivalrous. As Irish women, we want the crack and we want it to be fun and we want the chemistry. So it's a lot. 

“I do think some guys genuinely are just as nervous as we are. So I would always say don't base it all on the first date.I would always say go on the second. 

The debate moved on to texting and Cathal O’Sullivsan said he used to try and play it cool but as he started having more positive dating experiences, he came out of dates and decided to say that he had a good time immediately. 

‘I say I really enjoyed myself if I did, straight away after the date, or on the bus home or an hour after or something like that,” he said. 

“I think if you've really enjoyed yourself, I don't see the reason to hold off.”