On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one woman feels “worthless” every time she runs into her exes and doesn’t know how to get over it.
“I'm female and in my mid-thirties, I've always been very independent, have a great job and income, an amazing family and a small circle of good friends,” she told Moncrieff.
“I've ended up in some situations with guys who were never looking for anything serious (well not with me anyway) and it's left me pretty broken.
“The last two scenarios were with a friend of a friend and a friend of our family... every time there's an encounter like I've mentioned, it absolutely floors me for days.”
With other exes, the woman said she was simply able to delete their contact information and call it a day, but now she sees her previous two exes at events.
“Just when I think I'm finally happy in my own skin and over it, something happens and I feel like a piece of dog dirt stuck to someone’s shoe again,” she said.
“I want to meet someone and have a family of my own but it's hard to date and meet people when you periodically feel worthless.”
'She isn't failing'
Writer Barbara Scully said the woman herself has noted all the ways she is “accomplished”, and she needs to remember that when she thinks about her failed relationships.
“What she needs to do is to try and clear in her head that this isn't happening because in some way she is failing,” she said.
“There’s a saying I love, ‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’.
“She wants to meet somebody and that's all good, but she's got to be comfortable enough in herself and stop that negative self-talk.
“She’s just not met the right person yet – she's not lacking.”
Broadcaster Declan Buckley noted you can be an extremely accomplished person, but that doesn’t mean every relationship you have is going to work out.
“She’s trying to see [romance] as another accomplishment,” he said.
“Like, ‘I’m doing everything else, why can't I get this other accomplishment?’ like it’s a driving test.
“It’s not like that, unfortunately.”
Declan suggested the woman not focus too much on “managing your ego” and let relationships find her organically.
Barbara agreed with Declan’s view on relationships, but said the woman is likely also stressed as she wants to have children but is still single in her mid 30s.
She said the woman needs to be kinder to herself.
“The way we talk to ourselves in our head is awful,” she said.
“Try and change that and stop that inner conversation because I think that's a huge element of what's going on.”