My 11 year old constantly lies. When he’s caught out I correct him but it’s like water off a ducks back. What do I do?

Children lie for lots of reasons. Some lie out of a genuine fear of being punished. Some lie out of shame. Most children lie because they have a different value system than adults. Children and adults know that lying is wrong but children, unlike adults, do not see the harm in lying. They may think to themselves, "Who is being hurt if I tell a lie?" Adults don’t think like that, we know that lying can hurt people. It is helpful to get inside the mind of your child when they are lying. It is equally important not to make a major issue out of every lie, after all, some are rather innocent, like "Who ate the last biscuit?"

One of the most important things to remember as a parent is that the consequence should fit the crime and that for some misbehaviour there must be a consequence. When a child lies to you it is best to just implement a consequence. A reasonable consequence for young children may be to make them go to bed an hour earlier. It could be to remove a privilege such as video game time or sitting in one hour on a Saturday. For older children the consequence needs to have a bit more impact and this could involve being grounded. Remember, the consequence should not be too draconian and should fit the crime.

It is also important to ask yourself whether or not you have done anything to teach your child to lie. Have you lied about something and got caught by your child? Have you bragged about lying to your boss? Have you taken a sick day and stayed at home when you weren't sick? Children notice these things. Children learn by what we do, not what we say.

Lying is usually a small thing and, being honest, we all have done it at one time or another. When a child lies constantly they may have a fear of harsh punishment such as smacking. Make sure you communicate openly with your child about telling lies. Make sure you are kind and encourage your child to be honest with you and reward them with a hug when they are honest. You may still have to provide a consequence by the most important thing is to reinforce telling the truth.

If you have a question for Moncrieff's Parenting Expert, David Carey, email it to afternoon@newstalk.ie and tune in every Wednesday at 3pm.

David J. Carey is a psychologist in practice in Stillorgan, Dublin. He is the author of the book, The Essential Guide to Special Education in Ireland.