In truth everybody does it. When in doubt, roll out a dead/sick relative. You want to look good? Then bring along a kid. You want to look good, bring a kid. Up until today, my go-to man was the English politician who was agriculture secretary at the height of the Mad Cow food scare. He decided to prove how safe beef was by posing with his daughter for this:
It sealed Mr Gummer’s place in infamy. A silly stunt, which haunts him each time his name is brought up in polite society or by cynical hacks like me.
Poor man.
Poor is not an adjective you could use in relation to Tiger Woods. The man oozes cash from every pore. He dominated the golf world throughout the Noughties. In a game associated with aging white men, Tiger seemed the perfect antidote. He was young, he played golf with a swagger and he was an exemplary role model for the aspiring black middle-class in America. The world fell in love with him.
He was as wholesome as mom’s apple pie. Until we heard he was sleeping around on a grand scale.
What did Tiger do? He went into therapy. He asked for forgiveness and he made an ad. He made this ad:
Awww, did it make you cry? Daddy Tiger speaking to his son from beyond the grave. Daddy Earl trying to find sense in Tiger’s dalliances. It was released just in time for the 2010 Masters by Tiger and Nike. Words from beyond the grave to help rehabilitate Tiger. It made me puke as the cash rolled in.
Fast forward to 2015. Once again Tiger has issues. He’s dropped out of the top 100. Truth is he hasn’t recovered from the dalliances. OK, he has a new tall, athletic girlfriend who has her own life (and sponsorship potential) but he hasn’t hit a golf ball in a few months.
This week will be different. It’s Master’s week. From the causeway, a new Cuchulainn is on the march. He has already the contracts Tiger yearns to relinquish. Young McIllroy will have his own Grand Slam if he wins this week. A whole new generation of young Americans is leaving Tiger behind.
What’s a superstar gotta do?
Tiger didn’t let us down. He is going to play tonight’s charity par three competition with not one, not two, but three caddies. Yes, all three of his kids will caddy for him.
Anybody fancy a burger?
