Bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase 'cock blocking'...
Fresh from the news that The Late Late Toy Show was the most disruptive media event in 2015 when it comes, ahem, to interrupting the flow of web traffic to Pornhub, one of the world’s most popular libidinous libraries, new data analysis has shown that its fastest-growing search trend is for X-rated scenes featuring Minecraft animations.
The game, which turned Swedish computer programmer Markus ‘Notch’ Persson into a miserable millionaire, is extremely popular with children and adults all over the world and revolves around shaping blocks into anything you can imagine. Including, as Pornhub’s head-scratching analysts have concluded, poorly rendered animations of men and women having sex with each other.
According to their data, searches for the video clips have grown by a whopping 326% since January 2014, with the phrases ‘Minecraft porn’, ‘Minecraft sex’, and ‘Minecraft hard drilling’ frequently being inserted into the search bar on the website.
The most popular searches don’t always indicate what type of videos exist, but rather the type of videos people want to see,” reads the Pornhub blog post. “In the case of Minecraft, the most popular searches include some expected terms like ‘minecraft hentai’ and ‘minecraft animation.’ Some more interesting searches include ‘minecraft true love’ and ‘minecraft hard drilling.’ Even searches for gameplay and tutorial based ‘lets play Minecraft’ videos can be found.”
The exploding popularity of the computer-gaming industry has seen more titles than just Minecraft enter the pornosphere, with Pornhub revealing that other games like Halo, Clash of Clans, and Call of Duty also popular search terms.
What kind of person enjoys the pleasure of crudely-rendered block-based bonking? Could it possibly be young men? Yes, yes it could.
“Millennials – those under 35 years old – represent 91 percent of all Minecraft searches,” reads the blog. “Proportionally, 18-to-24 year olds are 498 percent more likely to seek out Minecraft porn than all other age groups.”
As you can discern from the above chart, men are 58% more likely to be searching for Minecraft porn than their female peers, who we assume are waiting for Minecraft erotica to become a publishing sensation. And just in case you wonder what exactly a Minecfaft porn scene looks like, the animation auteur FuturisticHub has animated some scenes over on YouTube, which are perhaps not something you want on your workplace search history, but which can be found here. Be it on your own head, so to speak.