Like Harry Redknapp hanging out of a car window, we're here to cut through the nonsense
Silly season is upon us as the rumour mill continues to turn apace, so here's a look at the stories making headlines today.
Howe am I supposed to live without you?
John Terry's career at Chelsea looks to have come to an end, and while he managed to hang on the last time this sort of speculation was rife, it seems that the talks to move the player on are at an advanced stage.
Bournemouth are interested in bringing the experienced defender to the south coast, where he could add some grit to the back line and help them keep up their bright start to the season.
Ben Gibson is set to be the next man in line if Terry moves in this window or, eventually, at the end of the season. Chelsea will have to hand over £30 million if they hope to get their man however, while if Terry does stick it out to win his fifth Premier League title with the London club, China is believed to be his next destination.
Koeman kan't kope with Kleverley
Tom Cleverley's career has hit a bit of a speed bump again, after it looked as though he might have settled into a team that suited his passing style in Everton under Robert Martinez. Koeman, on the other hand, kouldn't kare less.
The Daily Telegraph report that Sunderland are hoping to bring the former Manchester United man in on loan to give them a boost as they look to avoid the drop, while he is also apparently on the verge of a medical at Watford.
A move seems as though it would be good for both parties, especially given Morgan Schneiderlin's arrival will force him even further out of the picture. He's also wanted by Newcastle, but taking the drop to the Championship, however brief it may be, might not be a move he's willing to make.
Downing and out in Boro and London
Sam Allardyce is looking to bring Stewart Downing to Crystal Palace, according to The Daily Mail. There's no doubt that, with Christian Benteke up top, they need someone to provide crosses, so on paper there's a certain degree of sense to it. Furthermore, the Middlesbrough man isn't afraid to launch the ball long when needed, just in case Big Sam decides that tactic could be useful.
However, apparently Aitor Karanka won't let him go to another Premier League club, so while he's likely to move to play a bit more often, it might not be to Crystal Palace.
West Ham are apparently hoping that they can sign Jose Fonte, Robert Snodgrass and Milan's M'Baye Niang in the January window to try and turn their season around, according to The Daily Star.
Fonte has handed in a transfer request and Snodgrass has similarly told Hull that he's looking for a move, but the triple swoop sounds extremely ambitious.
With £15m already set to be spent to bring Brentford striker Scott Hogan to London, the club might not be willing to throw an extra pile of money at the current manager until they start putting a consistent run of results together.
Griezing the wheels
The Daily Mirror report that Jose Mourinho says Manchester United are ready to spend big in the transfer market this summer. While it seems a poor negotiating tactic to tell the people you want to make a deal with that you have money burning a hole in your pocket, United's track record in the last few years suggests the boast may be true.
Our made up guess is that Antoine Griezmann will complete a move to Old Trafford for £96 million in the summer to join up with international team-mate Paul Pogba.