Remembering Ronnie Corbett: All the best jokes from a rich career in comedy

The 85-year-old passed away surrounded by family this morning

Remembering Ronnie Corbett: All the best jokes from a rich career in comedy

Rebecca Naden / PA Wire/Press Association Images

The long celebrated comedian Ronnie Corbett has past away at the age of 85 after suffering from poor health for some time.

Corbett, alongside comedy partner Ronnie Barker, achieved notable success on British television during the 1970's and 80's through their double-act - 'The Two Ronnies.'

Corbett was famously recognised for his signature ''shaggy dog'' sketches from a couch during broadcasts of their show. And it was from this piece of furniture that he uttered some of the best one-liners in comedy history. After Ronnie Barker's death in 2005, Corbett continued working on television.

Here are some of his best moments in comedy:

1) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.


2) All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.


3) West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.


4) It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.


5) This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago.

6) A juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.


7) A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago. So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.'So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?"'


8) There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.


9) We've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.


10) We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

11)We'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame.

12) After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.

13)If I wear too much tartan I tend to look like a Thermos flask.

14) If I wear too much tartan I tend to look like a Thermos flask